Most of us, when we’re talking to others, have a hidden fear.
Well, we’ve got plenty of hidden fears, but not getting what we want is one of them.
Often times this comes across as the fear of rejection. You’ve got something in mind you’d like from the other person, be it a raise, a phone number, or just agreement that you’ve got a pretty good idea.
Part of you imagines what it will be like when they see your true genius. But another part of you likely imagines what it might be like if they rejected you.
The boss says no to a raise, the cute girl says she doesn’t give out her number, and your buddy says that’s a really dumb idea.
Naturally, this makes us a little hesitant about speaking our minds. The bigger the desire, the more nervous we get.
There’s been plenty of studies done on the effect of reciprocity. When person A does something nice and unexpected for person B, then later on person A asks person B for an unrelated favor, person B almost always agrees.
Waiters use this to get more tips, Hare Krishnas used this in airports to get more money (before they started getting so many donations they got busted for tax evasion), and politicians have been using this aspect of human nature since the dawn of time. (This is shown beautifully in the Tom Hanks move, “Charlie Wilson’s War”).
If you’ve seen “The Godfather” movies, this is precisely what Don Corleone did when he was an up and coming gangster.
He did plenty of favors for folks in the neighborhood, knowing they’d pay him back someday.
The good news is that you can use this to. You don’t really need to do any specific favors for anybody.
You don’t need to hand out flowers like the Hare Krishnas, or kill landlords like Don Corleone.
Just become genuinely interested in other people. Start talking to folks without thinking about your own needs. Talk to them about theirs.
This will have the same effect. They’ll start to see you as a genuine, kind person who is not just out for themselves.
Which means you DO ask them for a favor, they’ll fall over themselves trying to help.
Think of talking to others like planting seeds. Focus on them now, so they’ll naturally help you later.
Regardless of what you need.
Reciprocity is just one of the many mind triggers we’ve all got. When you understand them, and how they work, you’ll easily get much more out of life, with a lot less effort.
Learn more here: