Everybody’s heard of the law of attraction by now. You’d have to have been living in a cave for the last ten years not to. However, if you’ve even tried it half heartedly, it seems like one of those meta-physical scams that is just meant as a “feel good” solution to life’s problems.
I mean, if you sit and try and “attract” a pile of gold, you won’t likely have much luck. Or maybe you could try and “attract” a perfect relationship, but this also may fall short.
Law of Attraction – Snake Oil?
What’s going on? Is the law of attraction really some kind of scam just meant to sell course, DVDs and books? Maybe, maybe not. But when talking of the law of attraction (or LOA from now on) there’s a lot that doesn’t get mentioned.
First of all, there’s something called “confirmation bias.” This is when you buy a red car, and then all you see are red cars.
So if you decide to use the LOA to attract a business opportunity, you’ll start to see things in a different light, especially if you’re really putting a lot of energy into your LOA meditations.
But here’s the kicker, those “things” that you’re now noticing, that are supposed elements of your desired outcome were there all along, as were the red cars in the above example.
In this sense, you really aren’t “attracting” anything. You’re just changing your filters to match what’s already been out there.
In this sense, the LOA is really just a metaphor. After all, while science has come a long way in figuring out the brain works, and how we perceive reality, they’re really still in the dark.
Metaphors
So until they have everything laid out with scientific precision, sometimes metaphors are the best we’ve got.
I don’t think anybody believes the LOA can break the laws of chemistry and physics. If you sit and meditate with all your might, you’re not going to literally transform your surroundings. You can’t turn your sofa into a time machine, or a loaf of bread into a brick of gold.
Anything you want is going to take getting out into the world and taking some kind of action. And unless you are heading into the hills with a shovel, this action is going to involve either creating relationships with other people, or using existing relationships in new ways.
So the LOA is really an inner game. You’re not changing the world around you, you’re changing your inner world, so you can better interact with the outer world in order to create what you want.
How can NLP help?
Within NLP, there is a huge collection of tools, procedures, and techniques that will give you better skills, a better self image, and a better model through which to view the world.
Here, we’ll be talking about a specific procedure from NLP, namely, integration of parts.
Whenever you want to do something, even get up off your chair to use the restroom, you’re not going to be one hundred percent congruent.
Part of you realizes you need to go, but another part of you is too lazy to get up. If you remember the last time you laid in bed debating if you should get up and hit the John or try and go back to sleep, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
It stands to reason then, that the more important the “thing” is that you are intending to do, the more inner conflict you are going to have.
What makes this particularly difficult is that most of the time, a lot of this inner conflict is below conscious awareness.
Consider using the LOA to attract a perfect mate. Part of you imagines how wonderful it will be when you’ve got that perfect relationship that supports you in just the way you’d like.
But another part of you enjoys sitting at home, without really needing to worry about your personal appearance. Another part of you may not particularly like all the feelings and emotions that come with meeting new people and exposing yourself to potential rejection.
Get All Your Parts Together
Unless you get all these parts on board, you’re going to have difficulties with the LOA to get that ideal relationship.
Unlike laying in bed and trying to ignore the urge to hit the restroom, where you’re eventually going to get to the point where you HAVE to go, the internal oscillations that go with attracting a mate can potentially last months, or even years.
How do you overcome the inner conflicts?
Take the time to bring each part out, and examine it. Talk to it as if it’s a complete part of you.
For example, let’s say that part of you wants to meet somebody wonderful, but another part of you wants to stay safe at home.
This requires some imagination, but it can be very helpful.
Negotiating Tips
Bring out those two parts, and imagine each one is sitting in front of you. Talk to each one of them, and find out what they are trying to achieve.
The goal is to keep them talking, both to you and each other, until you all can agree that you’re all after the same thing.
Actually imagine them there, in front of you. Find out what’s important to them. Find out there higher level criteria, what’s important about what’s important.
See if the three of you can come to an agreement that satisfies everybody. Keep the conversation calm and professional.
If you’re starting to notice that this seems to be similar to a negotiation, you’re right. It follows the same structure.
Only you’re negotiating with the parts inside you.
How long will this take? As long as it takes. Find all the parts of you that are in seeming opposition to getting what you want. Take your time to bring them out, one or two at a time, until everybody’s on board.
Then getting what you want will be a piece of cake.
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