Once Upon A Time
I have this friend who started going to Toastmasters.
He’s really, really, shy and really, really introverted.
His boss wants to promote him but this would required he travel around and give speeches on behalf of his company.
So he requires that in order to get the promotion, he has to go through the Toastmasters beginners program, which essentially means he has to give ten speeches.
But so far, he’s been terrified of giving his first one.
So he started searching online for anything that might help.
And he found this woman that promised she would cure his introverted shyness with some magic.
Since he was desperate, he decided to meet her.
Noisy Neighbor
I have this friend who lives alone, and for a while he loved his apartment.
Until these really loud people moved in next door.
They were always fighting and screaming at each other 24/7.
And throwing stuff, punching walls, playing loud music so they wouldn’t have to hear each other shout.
He didn’t know what to do, since they sounded really dangerous.
Not Going To Drown
My friend’s had this job for a long time.
He’s really quite, and really smart.
And he tells me the company is taking a turn for the worse.
The guys who have taken over are very belligerent, very forceful of his opinions, but very, very dumb.
And he was certain that they were going to steer the company into the ground.
The problem seemed to be that they didn’t care, since they were getting paid tons of money in stock options.
He doesn’t to find another company, since he holds the patents for their most profitable products.
Get Up And Scream
Then one day, while they were having a meeting led by these belligerent morons, he just lost it.
I mean, he absolutely lost it.
I have this friend who got an invention to this church.
A church he’s never heard of before.
And he wasn’t sure who sent him the invention.
But he got a good feeling about it, so he decided to check it out.
It’s almost hidden.
You have to take a lot of unknown dirt roads to get there.
Forest Church
And it’s in this unexpected open lot in the middle of this forest.
He never would have found it if he didn’t have specific instructions.
He couldn’t find any literature inside the church with any addresses.
He said it was about half filled.
And it seemed like a regular church.
Until the preacher gave his sermon.
He said this was like nothing he’d ever seen before.
Goofy Stories
A whole bunch of stories about ancient kingdoms, good vs. evil, the nature of money and how it’s the lifeblood of society.
And a bunch of other cool sounding stuff that he can’t remember.
Vague stories filled with colors and inspiration and singing.
Then they passed the collection plate around.
My friend tossed in $20.
As he was leaving, shaking hands with people, etc. some lady came up and whispered something into his ear.
Double Your Money
She told him to check his bank account, and to be sure to come back next week.
She seemed sincere, so he promised he would.
He checked his bank account a couple days later and somebody had made a deposit of $40.
He checked his bank and they said it was accurate.
But the person who made the deposit had made it anonymously.
So he went back to church.
And the same thing happened.
A whole bunch of cool, but confusing stories.
And then the collection plate.
Keep At It
As it came his way, he glanced around for that same woman.
He saw her, and she was already watching him closely.
She flashed her eyes and nodded.
He put in $40, and she smiled even wider.
Later that week, he found a deposit for $80.
So, he went to the church the following week, and looked for the same lady before going inside.
He walked up to her, wanting to find out what was going on.
First Rule Of Fight Club
Don’t ask, she said.
Just accept it.
Nobody knows anyway.
But as far as we know, you’re supposed to use the extra money however you think is best.
To help others however you think they can be helped.
Beyond that, I don’t think we’re supposed to talk about it.
Just enjoy the stories and the singing.
They Will End Me
He said when he stood up and started screaming, he was certain they would fire him.
But the more he kept screaming, the more he saw, almost in pure detail, all the things he wanted to say.
Like there was a whole transcript of things to say.
And the more he shouted, the clearer this became.
And he ended up screaming at the moronic management for a full thirty minutes.
They took a vote and made him CEO.
Now he sits in his office, and people are afraid to go and talk to him.
So they do whatever he suggests, without question.
Now the company is insanely profitable.
Get The Ball Rolling
Finally he complained, and the management was happy.
They said you are the first to complain, and now that we’ve had an official complaint, we can file legal action and get them evicted.
And because they had done so much damage, they didn’t fix it for a while.
Which meant he is back to living in his quiet apartment like before.
He met with the lady, certain she was going scam him.
But her magic worked.
Feedback Loop
The first time he stood up, he was still pretty nervous.
But he said it was like a magic, self sustaining loop.
The more he spoke, the more he was able to suck up the energy of the crowd.
Which made him speak even more powerfully, persuasively and eloquently.
Now he speaks to huge auditoriums, on behalf his company.
He even spoke before congress, and convinced them to not pass a bill they were all but certain to pass.
It’s almost like he has an ancient and powerful gift or oration.
That when he stands up to speak, nobody dares oppose him.
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