Hidden Prizes
Once upon a time there was this marketing genius.
He had helped plenty of companies come back from the dead simply by changing their marketing message.
He was the guy that revived the breakfast cereal companies by coming up with the idea of putting small toys in cereal boxes.
And many people don’t know this, but Spam almost went out of business in the seventies.
Spam Turnaround
So they hired this guy to turn the company around.
And he used the same strategy.
Since gold was shooting to the moon during the seventies, he decided to put a once out gold coin in random cans of Spam.
This is why Spam became so popular.
Underground Pickling
I had a friend who decided he wanted to make kimchi, or Korean pickled vegetables and spices.
He wanted to make it as authentically as possible.
So he got some vegetables and other things, put them in these big clay jars, and buried in his backyard.
But then he forget they were there.
Secret Trouble Maker
I knew this guy who was always looking for a new kind of prank, or practical joke to play on people.
Once he bought a dog whistle, a small but powerful one.
He wore it around his neck, and whenever there was a dog nearby, he would blow it and drive the dogs crazy.
Rat Lady Origin Story
Once there was this old woman.
She lived alone and one night this ghost game to her in her dreams to warn her.
To warn her of a coming apocalypse.
The ghost said if you don’t get ready, you will suffer.
But even though the old lady believed the ghost, the ghost didn’t give her very specific instructions.
Some of This… Some of That..
So the old lady went down to her supermarket and just bought a bunch of random stuff.
Bread, celery, spices, eggs, cat food, dog food, etc.
And since she thought she was being divinely guided, the food would be protected.
And once she put all the food in the basement, she thought she’d done her part, and if the ghost needed to give her any future instructions, the ghost would give her future instructions.
But a year later, the ghost hadn’t returned.
And the apocalypse did come.
Dudes Ate My Food
So she went down to her basement, and all she found were rats.
The rats had already eaten all her food, and had transitioned into the cannibal rat stage.
Where they multiply far faster than the food allows, and they start eating each other.
The old lady just assumed this is what the ghost had intended.
Who Looks Tastiest
So she started eating the rats.
A couple a day was all she needed.
But since the rats were in the middle of a cannibal driven, evolutionary bottleneck, their DNA had altered.
This had an unexpected effect on the old lady.
So naturally, she developed a taste for human flesh.
The apocalypse ended, things went back to normal but now this old woman still wanders at night.
Eating lost children and drunks who happen to pass out on park benches.
Weed and Marshmallows
He decided to go camping, just for the fun of it.
He sat around the fire, smoking marijuana, eating marshmallows and blowing his dog whistle.
By then, he’d been so accustomed to blowing his dog whistle he was doing it mostly subconsciously.
Thought That Dude’d Never Shut Up
He passed out, the fire finally died down, and the wolves ate him.
Had he noticed, the dog whistle had also been calling in all the wolves.
And they’d surrounded him, and watched him eat marshmallows and waiting for the fire to die down.
Dude, What’s That Smell?
He sold the house, and the new owners didn’t have any idea what was buried in the back yard.
By then, one of the roots from the big oak tree started breaking apart the clay jars.
And since he mixed a lot of experimental meat with the pickled vegetables, their backyard emitted a very, very foul smell.
All their neighbors assumed they had a bunch of dead bodies.
So the cops came, and dug up their backyard.
But they didn’t find any bodies.
They only found some broken clay jars filled with up absolutely rancid kimchi.
Golden Spam
They kept up with the gold coin marketing strategy.
Legend has it that one out of every hundred cans of spam has a gold coin in the inside.
However, many cans of spam are purchased to keep in the basement in case of economic collapse.
Researchers estimate there are upwards of sixty thousand, one ounce gold coins that are inside cans of Spam in the basements of unaware Americans.
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