Slow Following
There is this very rich, and somewhat strange tech genius.
After he made his millions in his twenties, he decided he needed a hobby.
But not a regular hobby like fishing or playing dominoes.
He decided to become a mime.
But a mime that didn’t move.
No Movement Mime
He stands on a corner, as frozen as possible.
He wears all his mime make up and clothing.
He watches people walk by using his peripheral victim.
Then he chooses a target.
When he sees the target, he looks at them as they walk by.
The targets are chosen for their consistency which sometimes takes a few weeks.
Let The Games Begin
Before he sees the target the next day, he moves one foot in the direction of travel of his target.
Then the next day another foot, and another foot, and another foot.
His only outcome is to see how far he can follow his target before the target confronts him.
From the targets perspective, everyday on his way home from work, he sees this creepy mime eyeballing him, and somehow moving one foot closer in the direction of his walk home from work every day.
Magic Pills
I went to this vitamin shop, on a recommendation from a friend.
She said the pills in this vitamin ship will solve all your problems.
But when I walked in, after having considerable trouble finding the place, I noticed all the bottles were the same size, same color, and had no markings on them.
The lady told me I had to sit in the back and meditate.
Focus on my problems.
And that would lead me to choose the bottle with the pills that would alleviate all that ails me.
Long Game Money Makers
There are some very advanced scammers, or pranksters, or maybe even very, very clever entrepreneurs.
First they buy tons of ads on the radio for these pills that will enhance your focus and concentration.
So buy them, and they work like crazy.
Turn C’s into A’s
If you are a C student, these pills will, overnight, make you an A student with much less effort.
But they have a very curious secondary effect.
Which is the main effect by the entrepreneurs, but it’s interpreted as non connected coincidental effect by the users.
And that this effect, primary or secondary, depending on your perspective, is you have plenty of vivid dreams about ice cream.
Gotta Get Me Some
So that when you wake up, you have an massive craving for ice cream.
Even if you’ve never eaten ice cream.
Even if you are lactose intolerant.
Juggling Genius
There’s this guy downtown that juggles.
He juggles very, very well.
But he’s also got a very highly calibrated magician’s patter.
But his magician’s pattern, which would more accurately be labeled a juggler’s patter is much deeper and complex than your run of the mill magician’s patter.
This juggler tells some very, very interesting stories.
You Won’t Remember This, But…
And in these stories, he embeds a lot of post hypnotic suggestions.
So that when the people’s subconscious mind pays attention to these suggestions, they have a deep desire to give him plenty of money.
They want to give this juggler everything.
They want to fill this juggler’s tip hat with money, and invitations to dinner, or even job offers and sexual offers.
And by the time this juggler finishes up all his juggling stories, his tip hat is overflowing with money.
And it’s overflowing with glowing words of admiration and secretive and sexual suggestions that you might think about when you dream tonight.
Ice Cream For Sale
After they sell a bunch of pills in a given neighborhood, they go door to door selling ice cream.
So, from the consumer’s standpoint, it’s like a miracle.
First they take these pills that skyrocket their grades from C’s to A’s.
Then they dream of ice cream, and wake up craving ice cream.
Then this guy comes door to door selling ice cream.
Their dreams have literally come true.
Huge Profit Margins
Of course, the markup on this ice cream is enormous.
But they’ve found that if you can figure out a way to convince people that their dreams have come true, they’ll pay anything to keep this dream alive.
Finally I got a hit.
Like she told me, I wandered the store, and felt a magnetic pull.
I reached out and grabbed a bottle.
Works Like Magic
I went home, took the pills like she recommended.
And the problem I had focused on had vanished.
And still have half a bottle of pills left.
Now You’ve Gone Too Far
The furthest he’s got was standing in this guy’s driveway.
It took him about six months.
First he was a few feet further down the street.
Then he was waiting around the corner.
Eventually he was waiting next to his car in the parking garage.
Then he was standing on the side of the road on his way home.
He had to call it quits when the guy came out to get his paper and found the mime standing on his driveway.
Step Back, Mister
He went back inside, and calmly came back out with his shotgun.
He told the mime if he ever saw him again, he’d shoot him in the face, and bury him in his backyard.
The mime smiled, and congratulated the man.
Saying that most people freak out when they see him standing around the corner.
That they start screaming and yelling and threatening all kinds of incoherent nonsense.
But shotgun man never said a peep until the mime was on his property.
That’s when the shotgun came out.
Shotgun man told him he wasn’t impressed, and that maybe he should get another hobby.
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