Street Sweeper Mayhem

Government Workers

Once there was a bored street sweeper.

He liked his job, it was steady, it paid well, it was almost impossible to get fired, and he got plenty of benefits.

But nobody ever thanked him for cleaning the street.

They only complained about him when they forgot to move their cars and would get a ticket.

I’ll Get My Revenge

So he slowly started missing with the people who lived on his street sweeping route.

First, he would re-paint the addresses on their curbs.

Then he started switching all the street signs around.

He did this so early in the morning, nobody noticed.

Then he started drilling out the locks on their front door, one at a time.

Rich Grocer

There’s this really rich guy who has a very, very weird sense of humor.

He pays his employees a lot.

He sells very high quality products at a loss.

He’s a billionaire, so he doesn’t mind losing a couple million per year.

But after every day, once the supermarket closes, they quickly rearrange all the items in the store.

So every single time you go in there, everything is in a different place.

Better Eat A Banana

There these very creative and profitable cereal pranksters.

They sell cereal in small towns.

The cereal creates short term amnesia in the kids who eat the cereal.

This causes their grades to drop.

Debt Will Solve Anything

The city council, of course, hears about this from the angry parents who criticize the school.

The city council, of course, always asks for more money.

As throwing money at a problem is the only play in their playbook.

So once they throw money at the problem, the cereal pranksters remove the cereal from circulation.

Which, of course, makes the grades improve.

We Are Saviors

The city council believes they are geniuses for their super genius idea of throwing money at a problem, which, from their perspective, solves the problem.

So they hire a bunch of publicists to promote their super geniusness.

This causes a lot of other schools to beg for money from State and Federal governments.

Since they have verifiable proof, that throwing money at schools causes grades to go up, everybody jumps on the money spending bandwagon.

Not Like She Planned

Once there was a very angry teacher.

She wasn’t always angry.

Back when she was in university, she had big dreams of being loved by her students.

Certainly They’ll Love Me

Of being loved by their parents for being such a kind and compassionate teacher.

She had big dreams of being famous for her kindness and compassion, for helping the poor students succeed.

Especially when everybody else had written them off.

But the opposite happened.

We All Hate You

The students hated her.

Their parents hated her.

She hated all other teachers.

But since the best she could do, besides being a teacher, with her masters degree in education was work at Starbucks, she devised a plan.

She’d work there for five years, her tenure, and get fired.

Then she’d sue the school for wrongful termination.

By Hook or By Crook

That way, she’d be famous for being a victim of an unjust system.

The method she devised for getting fired would be to give the students tests so difficult that they couldn’t possibly pass.

Then her argument would be that she had high expectations for her students, and that’s why they were firing her.

I’ll Be Famous!

She imagined she might even go on the talk show circuit.

Write a tell all book about her experience.

And maybe one day get a Nobel prize.

Only the opposite happened.

She gave the students extremely difficult tests.

They all got F’s and all their parents complained.

Right On Schedule

So far, so good, she thought.

But the response by the school board wasn’t to fire her.

But to make her superintendent.

And surrounded by the bureaucratic types that she hates the most.

Scam Stage Two

Once the federal and state money starts flowing, this is when the cereal pranksters jump into action.

Because federal and state money is very, very poorly regulated, it’s easy to skim.

And that’s how these cereal pranksters make their money.

By skimming all the chaotically flowing money from state and federal governments that they hope will make kids smarter.

But all this federally flowing money doesn’t get anybody smarter.

It only gets stolen.

Boss, This Is Really Fun

The employees really love it.

A guy will come in and ask about the sour cream and onion flavored pringles.

They’ll walk up to an employee and ask:

Excuse me, I’m sure I was here yesterday, on aisle 17, I remember the number 17 because yesterday was my daughter’s 17th birthday.

Sorry, In The Chip Section

And the Pringles were right here.

Then the supermarket person will say:

I’m sorry sir, you are mistaken aisle seventeen has always been the bathroom utility aisle.

You know, Drano, Liquid Plumber, various plungers.

The pringles have never been here.

And we don’t even have an aisle 17, see?

All our aisles are lettered, A, B, C etc.

Are you sure you’re in the right store?

Total Chaotic Breakdown

Eventually this led to massive and enjoyable chaos.

Deliveries would go the wrong houses.

Everybody was accusing everybody else of changing the signs and the addresses.

Once people realized none of their front doors could be locked, it was pure mayhem.

Cops Are No Help

And even if somebody did call 911, all the addresses had been changed, so it took the cops at least an hour to find the right house.

And even though the houses had been burned down, and there were bodies everywhere, the street sweeper would roll through every morning, like he always did, and admire his handiwork.

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