Good Intentions
Once there was a farmer.
A chicken farmer.
He raised chickens.
And he raised eggs.
Eggs for scrambling.
Eggs for frying.
Eggs for juggling.
One day.
He saw a documentary.
Chickens Need Love
On raising chickens.
The guy in the documentary.
Would talk to his chickens.
So the chicken farmer.
Watching the documentary.
Decided to talk to his chickens.
And he did.
And he found.
That the chickens.
These Guys Are Cool
Were better conversational partners.
Than his wife.
So he moved.
Into his chicken coop.
With the chickens.
His wife.
Had him committed.
And sold all his chickens.
100% Closing Rate
Once there was a consult.
A real estate consult.
That would guarantee.
A home sale.
At a price.
50% above market price.
But it required.
Long Rituals
Six months of planning.
And six months.
Of living in your house.
While it was empty.
Before it was on the market.
During which time.
The consultant.
Would do various occult rituals.
Magic Chicken Blood
Killing chickens.
Using their blood to paint symbols.
Inviting in various spirits.
Gods of realistic.
Animal spirits of buying desire.
And the gods of vanilla.
Long known for enhancing sales.
She had a 100% success rate.
Sometimes, though.
Her clients.
Ended up forever haunted by demons.
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