Slow Hair Cutter
There’s this barber that has shop downtown.
But the shop is always crowded, and there’s only the one guy in there cutting hair.
So once, I went in to take a number, and I got number 37.
He was only number two.
And he took about two hours cutting the hair of number two.
And while he was cutting he was telling these really, really confusing stories.
They were entertaining, and I got the impression there was more to this.
So when he came time to close, and he’d only finished number three, I asked if the number carried over to the next day.
Everybody told me it started at one again.
But by the time I showed up the next day, which was only five minutes after they opened, they were already at number 19.
Not Named McDonald
I have a friend who is a farmer.
He said that he started having dreams, or maybe real events, of waking up and seeing his cow standing outside his bedroom window looking in.
But he liked the ambiguity.
He didn’t want to check to see if there any cow footprints outside his window.
Maybe Cow Maybe Not
He liked thinking that it could go either way.
Like maybe the cow was both really there, or in his dream at the same time.
Kind of like a cow probability distribution.
He thought forcing the cow probability distribution to collapse would be kind of rude, so he let it be.
Catch ‘Em Early
I have a friend who taught telepathy to his rooster.
It’s actually pretty easy if you get started early enough.
While their young rooster brains are still kind of plastic and can be programmed with paranormal behaviors.
Once he trained his rooster how to be telepathic, he trained in more mundane skills.
People Reading Skills
Like remembering addresses, being able to guess people’s net worth by the clothes they were wearing, etc.
Then he sent his rooster around town, to kind of wander in and out of people’s houses.
People thought he was just a lost bird.
Not a telepathic mind reader.
The people would be like:
Hey look, a lost rooster, should we help him?
Nah, he’ll find his way home.
House Arrest Levitation
I have a friend that has telekinesis, but only inside his house.
He’s tried, but as soon as he walks outside his house, his powers stop.
Like he’ll levitate his remote control, but as soon as he walks outside his house, it drops.
He asked for my help figuring how he could monetize this.
I said make some YouTube or TikTok videos.
Get enough interest and maybe a reporter will come over.
It might be a long game, but eventually you could get pretty rich.
No Dice, Bro
He said none of that would work.
I asked why.
He said about ten years ago, a bunch of kids from his neighborhood went missing.
The cops knew all about it.
The feds came in, but they were very low profile so they couldn’t cause a ruckus.
Yeah, Let’s Sweep This Under The Rug
The kids that had gone missing were part of a huge, and unfortunately ongoing child sex trafficking ring.
They were very well connected, very powerful, and they slip in and out of small towns very quickly.
Usually taking a dozen kids with them.
But the cops didn’t want to let people know this, then they might believe the cops can’t protect kids, which may cause unexpected mayhem.
But the townspeople thought my friend was involved.
He lived alone he still lives alone, and he’s always been interested in things like telekinesis and levitation.
So they thought he used the kids in some kind of human sacrifice.
Better Make a Show
But the cops knew this wasn’t true.
But the cops thought, in their super geniusness, that if they made a show of talking to him, and then telling the townspeople he wasn’t the culprit, all the rumors would settle down.
Then even brought one of those dirt x-ray machines that can find all the bodies you’ve got in your backyard.
Of course, as is always the case, the opposite happened.
The cops came out, hoping to clear this poor guy’s name, but all they did was verify the rumors.
The townspeople thought that because the cops came to talk to him, he must be guilty.
And the only reason they didn’t arrest him was he put some kind of black magic spell on them.
So he’s afraid if he starts to make TikTok telekinesis videos, they’ll come and burn his house down while he sleeps.
Long Con Rooster
Once he’s got the information, he sells it to a large gang of burglars.
From his telepathic rooster, he’s got their net worth, the combination to their safe, the combination to their alarm system, and when they’ll be gone.
He gets a ten percent cut of everything he steals.
Gonna Rain Tomorrow
Eventually the cow started talking to him.
Telling him future weather patterns, when to plant his crops, what the future might hold as far as the quality of the dirt.
He still likes the idea that one his cows can talk, but if you press him, he’ll admit it’s really his subconscious.
Speaking to him through the not so common cream archetype of a talking cow.
So, Seriously, WTF?
Finally I asked the guy what the deal was.
He was he was a victim of something called a welfare cliff.
If he cuts 3-4 people’s hair per day that will get him about a $1000 per month.
Which allows him to qualify for small business welfare of $4000 dollars a month.
But if he ever earns more than $1200 a month in cutting hair his welfare will vanish.
So he’s kind of stuck.
But he’s afraid if he builds a reputation for the slowest haircutter in town, they’ll suspect he is guilty of welfare fraud or something.
So he’s developed a kind of slow-haircutting, barber hypnotic storytelling system.
So he cuts whoever’s hair is first, and the rest of the people just kind of hang out and listen to his stories.
Not Safe For Undercovers
So when the welfare police come by, they see his slow cutting hair style but his large crowd of waiting customers, and just assume he’s doing his best.
Of course, if they decide to take a number and get a closer look, he’ll notice them as undercover welfare police and shift these hypnotic stories so they develop absolute and complete amnesia.
That’s when everything starts to go in slow motion.
The last undercover welfare police they sent to check on him was never heard from again.
So they just leave this guy alone.
Mind Persuasion has plenty of books and courses to teach you how to speak hypnotically and persuasively.