Want To Be The Best
There was this juggler than wanted to be the best in the world.
He reverse engineered from the best jugglers in the world.
Eventually his juggling skills surpassed even the best jugglers who had ever lived.
But this wasn’t enough.
He realized that no matter how much he practiced, there were always jugglers who wanted nothing more than to knock him off his king juggler position.
Need An Advantage
So he retreated into isolation, to study the ancient ways of the occult.
After a mysterious absence of more than ten years, he had perfected the art of telekinetic juggling.
He was certain no human on Earth had mastered both juggling and the ancient occult skill of telekinesis.
But then his career took a very unexpected turn.
Haunted House
There is this house in my neighborhood that is allegedly haunted.
It’s been very well documented.
Nobody who has ever entered the house has come out.
Even police and private investigators who went looking for missing children have been lost and never found.
So I decided to go in and see what the deal was.
And what I found was nothing that anybody had ever thought possible.
Nothing anybody ever could think possible.
Evil Clown Training
I had a friend who went to a clown seminar.
They teach you how to put on the clown makeup.
They teach you had to do simple clown magic tricks.
They teach your basic child psychology since you’ll be entertaining children at birthday parties.
But this was a trap.
The seminar teacher hated people.
Revenge On Society
He used to be a trainer of the old EST seminars back in the seventies.
That was made illegal, as it was based on psychotic brainwashing.
That evolved into the Forum, but that also was run out of town by word of mouth.
About the horrors of the teachers.
So this human hating teacher lured in these people wanting to be clowns.
And he did teach them how to be clowns.
But he also used some very deep and very powerful programming to teach them things much, much worse.
Best Genie Ever
I had a friend who found a genie.
Or he found a lamp and out of the lamp came the genie.
This genie would only give one wish, but this was a very kind and honest genie.
She explained that even thought she could grant him any wish, it would be bound by the laws of thermodynamics, specifically the first law of thermodynamics.
No Negative Consequences
Particularly the idea about not creating any new energy or matter.
If he wanted a million dollars, for example, there were only two options.
She would have to steal the million dollars from somewhere else, or create a million dollars with non-existent serial numbers.
Both would present problems.
So they brainstormed all the potential wishes and the potential problems they would solve.
Unlimited Cereal
Finally, he wished for a never ending box of cereal.
Since he would really only be able to up to five boxes of cereal in day,that would OK.
Because every time he ate from his never ending box of cereal, one cereal piece would be taken from the millions of cereal boxes on supermarket shelves all around the world.
So now, all he eats is cereal.
But he still has to buy the milk.
All in all, a pretty good wish from a very thoughtful and proactive genie.
Pressure Chamber
They weren’t allowed toilet breaks.
They were forced to come up to the front of the seminar room, and relive their most horrific memories from childhood.
And they had to get in groups and role play some other horrific ideas.
So by the time they seminar ended, they no longer had a love for children.
Of making them smile and laugh at birthday parties.
They had a deep fear and a deep hatred for all of humanity.
So when they seminar ended, they all fled into a nearby forest.
Still wearing their clown costumes and makeup.
No Ghosts
It seemed normal from the inside.
But then I went down into the basement.
It was this humongous laboratory.
They told me I had two choices.
They could kill me, or I could sign an extremely restrictive NDA and join the witness protection program.
Nobody Knows Why
Turns out deep underneath this allegedly haunted house is an extreme and constant emission of neutrinos.
Way more than can be explained by anything.
Their worst fear is that left unchecked, this might turn into a while hole.
The other half of a black hole, making a wormhole pair.
And this thing starts spitting out what is being sucked into some black hole somewhere, the Earth, solar system and even the Entire milky way galaxy is doomed.
Please Teach Us, Sir
Just when he was about to launch his career, the CIA showed up at his house.
Turns out they’ve been looking for somebody with that combination of skills.
Juggling and occult based telekinesis.
So, they made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.
They want him to become a CIA occult trainer.
He’s got a huge salary, a fantastic office, a lot of power, with his CIA credentials, the things he can do are far beyond what the world’s most famous juggler could even conceive of.
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