Do you have a lot of pictures in your house?
With nice picture frames?
Most people don’t notice the frames, only the picture.
True in conversations as well.
Yes, you read that right. Conversations have frames. So do exchanges. So do relationships.
And whoever controls the frame, controls the interaction.
Frame Control is where it’s at.
Generally speaking, whoever can walk away the easiest, controls the frame.
What does that mean?
Consider this:
A salesman is sitting in his shop. A customer walks in. The salesperson gets nervous. If he doesn’t make a sale soon, he’s going to be out on the street.
The customer walks in, and says they’re “thinking” about buying a product.
The salesman gives his best pitch. It doesn’t work, and the customer walks away.
Who controlled the frame? The customer. The salesperson needed the sale more than the customer needed the product.
And the customer knew it.
So the frame was this:
A salesperson and a customer are talking, and the customer is deciding if the product is worth the money.
Now consider another interaction.
The salesman only has one product left. He promised it to a friend. The friend hasn’t showed up yet.
Then another customer walks in, and says they’re interested in the product.
But the salesman say’s it’s not for sale.
The customer says they really need it.
The salesman says it’s not for sale.
The customer says he’ll pay double.
The salesman thinks about it. He remember that his friend has flaked a few times in the past.
So he sells the product to the customer for double the price.
Who controlled that frame? The salesperson, because in that particular instance, the customer wanted the product more than the salesperson wanted to sell it.
Now, you may say that this is a fake example. Salespeople always want to sell stuff. Customers will always need to be “persuaded.”
But do they really?
Remember, the “meaning” of any situation is likely subjective.
And a customer may “think” they are running the frame but if they run into a salesperson that “outframes” them?
See, the funny thing about human nature is we don’t like to be “disqualified.”
When don’t like being told that we can’t have what we want.
So if a customer starts to get the idea that they might not get the product, even if they offer to pay more for the asking price? They’ll do everything they can to convince the salesperson to sell it to them.
However, most salespeople are TERRIFIED of doing this. Of pushing away a potential sale.
But once you start, even a little bit? You’ll be amazed what happens.
Pretty much instant charisma.
If you even give off the slightest “hint” that you’ll turn customers away, they’ll become desperate for your product.
See, people LOVE to disqualify others, but we HATE to be disqualified ourselves.
So whoever can most easily disqualify the other person holds all the cards.
So next time your dealing with a customer or potential client, just for fun, think of all the reasons you might turn away their business, and start asking questions based on those reasons.