The frame you put on a situation can have a huge impact on how easy or difficult it is.
For example, let’s say you practice martial arts. Your instructor tells you to spar with one of the best guys in the class.
If you view this as a test of your skills, where you’ll be rewarded for passing, and punished for failing, you’ll be intimidated.
But if you see this as an opportunity to learn what you don’t know, so you’ll know how to better spend your practice, time, you can look forward to the opportunity.
Here’s another example.
If you’ve ever been to a new city, it can either be scary and frustrating, or exciting and fun. If you are worried about getting lost, or getting mugged, or worse, you’ll be terrified.
But if you’re open minded, have some time to kill while you go “exploring” you can have a lot of fun.
Talk to girls is the same way.
Say you see a cute girl over there. Maybe across the bar, or a few chairs over at the coffee shop.
Now, if you’re like some guys, and all you care about is her looks, you’ve ALREADY accepted her as a the perfect princess of your dreams, and when you walk over it’s in hopes that she’ll accept you, and hopefully be kind enough to “give you a chance.”
On the other hand, if you’ve got some self esteem, and you KNOW that there are hundreds of thousands of girls to choose form within a hundred mile radius of where you live, you go over there not to try and “pass her tests” but just to find out more information about her.
After, you’re not yet convinced that you’re attracted to her, right? She might have a really annoying voice, her breath might reak, she may have just escaped from prison, or she might even be a vampire.
Who the hell knows?
In fact, you can even use this as an ice breaker:
“Hey, I couldn’t help noticing you, and I think you’re pretty cute, but I’m wondering if you’ve got a cute personality to match. My name’s George.”
This will put you in a whole different class of guys. You’ve walked over and introduced yourself, but you aren’t trying to impress her right off the bat.
Truth is, you’re just being honest. How she responds wil tell you everything you need to know.
To further the conversation, you can easily jack up your attraction even more.