Want more confidence? It’s easy! Now, there are two ways to get some. One way is to just grab your balls (or whatever) and make a move. You do it enough times, and you’ve got your confidence.
I know, I know. You already know that.
That’s why your here. I hear you. That way sucks.
We want confidence without having to make a move, right? We want confidence BEFORE we do the thing, not after, yea?
Mechanics of Action
First we need to understand the mechanics of human action. We’ve got to get a handle on what the subconscious goes through before we feel like we’ve got a couple of brass ones, or we’d rather go hide under the table.
This happens quick, this happens subconsciously, but it happens. Your genius subconscious does a few quick calculations, and then comes back with a feeling. That feeling dictates whether we’ll make a move, or order another beer.
A Tale of Two States
Nope, this ain’t about Arizona and California!
This is about your present state, vs. your future state. All things being equal, if your subconscious figures your future state will be better than your present state, you’ll make a move.
If your future state seems horrible like getting eaten by a tiger or getting kicked in the nuts by a gorgeous girls, then your brain is going to say, “Screw that!” and keep you right where you are.
Each state has two components. Positives and negatives.
When you’re thinking about doing anything, your subconscious is looking at your present state, comprised of present positives and present negatives, and says, “Dude, this sucks! Let’s change something!”
Then you start to think about taking some kind of action.
This happens when you’re horny and in a bar, or hungry and near some food, or need to pee and in your warm bed.
Crystal Ball Time
The first thing your subconscious does is try and figure out a future state that is better than your present state. Of course, your future state will have positives and negatives.
But it’s also got to do something else.
Your sub-brain has to also calculate the probability of getting to your future state.
Pre Game Summary
So if your subconscious looks into the future, chooses a better state, AND decides it’s likely to happen, you’ll feel confident and make a move.
If you imagine something you’d like, but don’t think you’ll get it, then you’ll feel nervous.
If you imagine something you’d like, and believe you’ll get it, you’ll feel good and make a move.
This is where the “fake it till you make it” angle comes in. This school of thought tells us we’ve got to do things in spite of our fear enough times so that we’ll gain experience.
Then when we’ve got enough experience to draw on, we’ll start to feel confident in those situations.
This does work. But it’s time consuming, and most people aren’t willing to act despite of fear.
A Better Way To Feel Confident
Yep, there’s a much better way. This is where the mental practice comes in.
Most people are happy with their factory programming. Meaning they are happy with the way their subconscious figures out the potential future.
But humans are natural learners. Not only that but we’re life long learners. Meaning if we can learn to ride a bike, bake a cake, juggle a couple of tennis balls, we can certainly learn how to feel confident.
All you’ve got to do is take some time, and take what’s normally subconscious, and make it conscious.
Just imagine doing what you’d like to do, and force your brain to focus on the positive outcome. Make it so big and colorful and magnetic in your mind that it completely crowds out any negative outcome.
Keep your brain focused on that positive outcome while you’re actually doing the action.
Like I mentioned at the beginning of this post, this takes time. This takes practice to be able to hold a positive thought in mind.
Our brains are hard wired to feel fear, not feel pleasure. It’s a safety issue.
Imagine two cave dudes. One guy was always smelling flowers and doing other hippy stuff. The other guy was always terrified of getting eaten by tigers.
Guess who lived long enough to get laid, have kids, and pass on that “always be on the lookout” gene?
(Hint: It’s not the cave-hippy.)
But just like you can overwrite other safety features of various kinds of equipment, you can do so in your own brain as well.
All you’ve got to do is consciously hold positive images and emotions in your brain. When you practice doing this, it will become easier. Your brain can get stronger, just like your muscles can get stronger.
How To Practice
Just go somewhere that is consistent with what you’d like to do. If you want to get better picking up girls, go somewhere that there’s plenty of girls.
If you want to get better at approaching and talking to strangers for your business, go somewhere where there’s lots of strangers.
If you want to get better at public speaking, go where there’s plenty of people.
Then just imagine what you’d like to do, and focus on that, with the best outcome possible.
Then purposely HOLD that image in mind for as long as you can.
If you did this once every couple days, for ten or twenty minutes at a time, you’d feel confident in no time.
Now, this isn’t any kind of magic instantaneous fix. But by simply visualizing what you want to do, the confidence will come, much quicker than you imagine.
Do this enough, on enough issues, and social fear will quickly become a thing of the past.