She’s Gonna Blow!
There is a volcano in Yosemite that is supposed to erupt any time now.
When it does, it might create such a dust cloud it will wipe out all life on Earth.
Like the meteor that killed all the dinosaurs.
Angry Bread Maker
There was an angry baker who hated his job.
He also hated his family and the neighborhood where he lived.
So he decided to get revenge on humanity by putting poison in his bread.
Picture Taker
There was this photographer who roamed around in public places looking for young talent.
He had a keen eye and most of his choices ended up becoming famous.
Of course, since he was a stranger that approached young women on the street, he had to always fight pass the stranger danger response.
Mole Man Origins
Once this guy got spooked, and was worried that the economy might collapse any day.
So he started storing supplies in his basement.
Eventually he realized it would be to difficult to store a couple months worth of water.
Must Go Deeper
So he started digging down into the Earth deep beneath his basement, hoping to find a secret source of water to keep all to himself.
But halfway to his yet to be discovered water source, he found some underground roots.
The kind of roots that, when exposed to the Earth’s atmosphere, release a very powerful hallucinogenic gas.
Imagination Explosion
This gas made him start to hallucinate.
He thought there were demons coming to torture him for eternity.
So he ended up digging a big enough hole beneath his house to live in.
And since he was close to the water, and the hallucinogenic weeds were edible.
Perfect Spot
That’s where he stayed.
What he does is leverage a little known law about the conservation of souls.
For every one girl he made famous, there was another one who’s quest for fame was abolished.
But since they were out of sight, they were out of mind.
Whether he realized this law exists and he was purposely leveraging it is unclear.
Improperly Calibrated Poison
What ended up happening was the poison ended up having an expected reaction with the baking powder.
This made his bread the most delicious bread in the city.
Which, of course, made just job only that much harder.
Huge Margin Of Error
When they say soon, they mean plus or minus about 10,000 years.
And even then that is just a guess.
And guesses are usually wrong.
Of course, there are many other things that can kill us besides an ancient volcano.
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