Whenever we talk to people, most of us have a deep need to get “our” idea across.
Most of us are in desperate need for recognition, validation, and approval. Even though we think we are “independent,” and only “those other people” act “like that,” most of us do it, most of the time.
It’s human nature. We are the result of hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution, in which social status played a major role.
Even Napoleon realized that the best way to motivate his soldiers was to give them public rewards in exchange for life threatening bravery. He said that “Men will die for ribbons.”
If you are a persuader, or if you are trying to get anybody to accept your idea, whether it be to sign a billion dollar contract or see an action movie instead of a romance movie, this is a key concept.
When it comes to persuasion, most people don’t really care about you. (Or me or anybody else.)
People really are interested in what they’re going to get out of the deal.
After all, few of us take action of any sort unless we feel we’re at least getting something.
Which is why it’s usually a good idea to first talk about what the other person wants, rather than what we think they should want.
If you’ve ever bought anything from a pushy sales person, you know how this feels when NOT done properly.
You’re given a list of reasons that may or may not be in your best interests.
On the other hand, when somebody (sales person or not) actually takes an interest in what you want, and presents a few ideas based on what YOU want, rather than what they THINK you want, it just feels so much better.
Luckily, there’s a set of language patterns that makes this incredibly easy.
They’re based on “artfully vague” language structures so that your listener won’t have any choice but to “fill in the blanks” with their own ideas.
So no matter what you’d like them to do, they’ll end up doing it for THEIR reasons, instead of yours.
Which means they’ll not only have ZERO resistance, but they’ll think that your idea is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
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