Imagined Connection
There’s a common theme you’ll find in movies.
And in real life.
In the movies, it plays out like this.
Guy meets girl.
They talk for a while.
Maybe set up a date and get together.
One of them says, or demonstrates through their behavior, they’re just not feeling it.
The other is surprised.
Shocked.
“But… I thought we had a connection?”
This is common.
Positive Biases
It’s very easy to misunderstand the meanings of other people’s behaviors.
This is one reason for flakes.
A product of mis-calibration.
You talk to a girl at a party or something.
You ask for her number, she smiles, and gives it to you.
You are HAPPY.
You feel proud of yourself.
But then you text her a few times, and then she vanishes.
What happened?
One explanation (a common one) is that she changed her mind.
Or she’s the “type” of girl who leads men on, always has tons of orbiters.
But this is based on a misunderstanding of what happened.
A mis-calibration.
Not Really Into You
When she gave you the number, she was only being polite.
So if you understood that as her being polite, you would have given up after the first text or so.
But you (or whoever happens to be the star of this metaphor) didn’t give up.
You THOUGHT you had a connection.
Human biases are VERY powerful.
They make us believe things that have very little evidence.
Once I was with a friend.
I was watching him talk to girls.
On one encounter, it was VERY OBVIOUS to me the girl was just being polite.
Closed off body language.
Every time he slowly leaned in, she slowly leaned back.
After the interaction he thought he did pretty well.
Subjective Error
My interpretation, from the objective observer standpoint, was she was only being polite.
Whenever people talk about “connections” either in real life or in the movies, either from the guy’s or the girl’s standpoint, they are almost like mythical creatures.
Something you THINK you felt.
Something you THINK you had.
Here’s another complexity.
Some connections are real.
But they have a very SHORT half life.
Meaning you might have actually had a connection when you talked to her.
When she was in a good mood.
Friday night, a decent buzz, etc.
Kind of like when dudes plan things when they are drunk.
Like going skydiving.
But then the next morning, when everybody’s sober, it doesn’t seem like such a good idea.
Engineered Connections
How can you defend against this somewhat mythical and ephemeral “connection”?
Create such a strong and long lasting connection she won’t be able to get you out of her mind.
This requires a conversational structure.
A structure upon which to hang your natural, organic and REAL conversational style.
This is some seriously advanced conversational technology.
One she’s likely never experienced before.
Which will make YOU stand out from every other dude she ever has, or ever will, talk to.
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