Listen First
Many folks have tried and failed with Dale Carnegie’s golden advice.
And that is to simply let others do most of the talking.
To follow the 80-20 rule.
To “let” them talk most of the time.
This sounds great in theory.
But there are two main and almost immediate drawback that people find.
People imagine that this simple idea is the ticket to happy love.
The first obstacle is they find that most people are boring.
Like most movies on Netflix.
But the second problem is much deeper.
And that is that most people don’t have a huge collection of stories at the ready.
Poor Talkers
Sure, if you are world famous podcaster, all you need to say is:
“So, tell me about yourself” and people will gush with information.
But that’s because they’ve been looking forward to the interview.
They’ve been practicing their answers.
After all, they are on the podcast for a reason.
Selling a book, pitching an idea, etc.
But most people don’t have a lot of stories on deck in their brain.
Even if you were talking to a close friend with whom you felt deep rapport most people aren’t that descriptive.
Most people aren’t that articulate.
If they saw a movie the previous day, they wouldn’t be able to talk for more than a minute or so about the movie.
Even a minute is a long time.
“How was the movie?”
Yeah, Wow!
“Oh dude! It was awesome!”
“Really? Tell me about it!”
“Well, there were these dudes, and, man you should have seen it!”
That’s about the best most people can do.
So when you stroll up to an interesting person, and get the conversational ball rolling, they won’t be able to do much better.
So there are two basic skills you’ll need.
One, to help them get the ideas out of their heads.
To help them find and express the interesting ideas in their heads.
This takes a little bit of practice.
Easy On The Target
But it will make it very easy for them.
It will make it very enjoyable for them.
Two is you’ll need to shift your focus.
Away from hoping for interesting content, and more toward interesting expressions of their content.
To become interested in them as they become interested in the conversation.
This will give them a feeling of being noticed.
A feeling of being truly seen.
Something very few of us ever experience.
Do this and they will NEVER forget you.
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