When humans are born, our brains are extremely thirsty sponges.
Our instincts are calibrated so doing what help us to survive feels very good.
Being hungry sucks.
Eating feels fantastic.
Being alone sucks.
We are social animals, not sharks.
So being around people we enjoy, and who enjoy us, feels fantastic.
Being horny with no outlet sucks.
Any vague HINT that we might on the path to GETTING some feels fantastic.
And if you are like most normal humans, when you are JUST ABOUT to get some, you have some pretty excited thoughts.
“I can’t believe this is happening!”
We need food, so food feels good.
We need healthy social relationships, so making friends and hanging out with friends feels good.
We need to make more people so sex feels good.
The best, of course, is all of these wrapped up in one happy evening.
Hanging out with friends, one of them is a “special” friend.
Eating some good food, sharing some happy laughs, and ending the night in between the sheet with your special friend for some special fun.
This is why weddings can be the BEST PLACE to enjoy all of them.
Everybody is a good mood.
The happy couple is having the night of their life.
All their friends are there.
The food is delicious.
All the “single” people are thinking:
“I hope this will be ME some day!”
So everybody has a short term, “ideal relationship” filter.
This is why goofy movies like “The Wedding Crashers” are believable.
Everybody knows somebody who met their husband or wife at a mutual friends wedding.
Best Of Both Worlds
But way back when we are a kids, we haven’t discovered pretty much anything.
Remember, we are still in DATA collection mode.
We are HARD wired to be interested in new and interesting things.
Now for the money question:
How can we maximize both?
The hunger for new things, more experiences, more information AND maximize our adult pleasures?
One answer comes from the ancient Stoics.
Who said, “Put your focus on the shooting of the arrow, not on the target.”
So, does this mean bring a bow and arrow to social situations?
This is a two thousand year old piece of advice that is the EXACT same as “be outcome independent.”
But the stoic recommendation is much better.
It explains HOW to be outcome independent.
The phrase, “outcome independent” is more of a vague description rather than any kind of actionable advice.
Push Out Thoughts
But “put your focus on the shooting of the arrow?””
Now, THAT is some good advice.
Focus as much of your brain ON the conversation.
On the smiles.
On the instinctively pleasing ideas.
Friendly conversations, food, and playfulness.
Expand your pleasure of the NOW enjoyment, and push out all worries.
This is something you can easily practice.
And like the stoics taught WAY back in the day, the LESS you focus on the outcome, the MORE LIKELY it will happen.
Mind Persuasion has plenty of books and courses to teach you how to speak hypnotically and persuasively.