Double Dealing Weirdos
I have this really weird neighbor.
He’s rich, he’s smart, and he’s retired from all the patents he’s created over the years.
His recent project is developing an army of AI drones, about an inch in size.
Each one is connected to the super computer is his basement, and he’s been experimenting with creating some kind of AI, hive mind, self aware intelligence.
Now, they are solar powered, so they can fly around indefinitely during the day.
So far, he’s got them programmed to recognize and respond to facial expressions of animals and children.
Self Aware Drone Army
Based on the facial expression, they create different shapes, while hovering above the animal or the kids playing in the park.
He’s got a few hundred of them, so they can create some interesting shapes.
His goal, in a few months, is to have several thousand, so they can actually create an image of a face in the sky, to respond to pets and people.
There is this dentist that has been running these pretty wicked scams.
It’s A Trap
She’s got really prices, which is the first step of the scam.
You go in there with a toothache, and she takes and x-ray and explains the problem.
She then says she can take care of it then and there, for a very cheap price.
Then you wake up a couple hours later with all your teeth missing.
Wrong Kind of Mushrooms
I ordered a pizza once, and I’m pretty sure the guy who delivered it played some kind of prank.
Before I was finished with the second slice, I was having some really wicked hallucinations.
The people on TV were talking to me directly.
And before long the people from the TV were following me around in my apartment trying to sell me things like whole life insurance and time shares in crime ridden cities.
X-Ray Disaster
Once I got scammed out of some incorrectly performed brain surgery.
I had a headache, and I was losing time.
Like one minute, I’d be sitting the library reading some crime novel, and the next thing I’d know I’d be sitting in my car a couple of days later, wearing a different pair of clothes.
I figured I either had something wrong with my brain, or I was being the subject of abduction experiments, either from the government directly or actual aliens.
So my first idea was to go make an appoint with a brain doctor.
He gave and x-ray, and then tried to show me what the problem was.
This made me uncomfortable for two reasons.
One the x-ray was developed way to quickly.
This Can’t Be Right
Almost like he took my picture, and then went and got a random x-ray out of a drawer in the next room.
Two, I didn’t see anything in the area he was showing me.
But he was coming at me with the hard sell, and I think his surgical nurse was in on the con.
While we were discussing this, I didn’t remember making any commitments, and she came out of the operating room saying they were ready.
She smiled at me very seductively, so I felt very on the spot.
Sucked Me Right In
I didn’t feel assertive enough to tell the brain surgeon I wanted to shop around, and right when I was on the edge of just turning and walking out, the hot surgical nurse looked at me and said:
Let’s get you out of those clothes so we can fix that brain of yours.
Next thing I knew I was breathing some nitrous oxide and counting back from 100 down to some number less than 100 but more than 0.
Next thing I knew I was sitting in the recovery room, fully dressed and reading a magazine.
That sexy nurse was nowhere to be found.
They Did Something
I felt on my skull, and it felt like he did remove a portion of my bone, but I’m not altogether certain that he even did anything.
The time loss, however, has stopped, but I’m not sure why.
It could be just a coincidence.
Meaning I got same fake scam brain surgery the same time the aliens or the government or whatever stopped their abduction experiments.
I still haven’t gotten a bill, and the more this experiences recedes further and further into my history, it’s starting to blur.
Like maybe I was abducted, and I did get some exploratory brain surgery on some alien ship.
Which would actually be good news, because when aliens abduct people and do experimental surgery on you, they usually don’t send you a bill.
Might As Well Roll With It
Since they were hallucinations anyway I just started buying whatever they were selling.
Which was pretty weird, but also pretty cool once I accepted that I was stuck inside a hallucination.
I just kept buying whatever they were selling, and another imaginary person would show up.
I was sort of hoping that an imaginary stripper would show up and sell me an imaginary lap dance, but all I remember buying were imaginary things I didn’t want.
After you wake up with no teeth, that’s when they lower the boom.
What Do You Want To Do?
She says you have two options.
Option one is we put back all your teeth, and charge you $10,000.
Option two is you can go to the police, in case we’ll put them in the garbage disposal.
But no cop is going to believe that the dentist stole your teeth.
I mean, this just sounds ridiculous!
Cartoon Sky
His ultimate goal is to create enough drones to create a realistic face, with some kind of comic book speech bubbles off to the side.
And to have conversations with people, based on their facial expressions, and to ask people some simple yes-no or either questions.
But first he’s got to find some way so they can fly at night, without needing the sun.
This is, according to him, another example of the most common constraints of all modern inventions.
It always boils down to finding enough energy to power what you can imagine.
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