Why So Serious?
Everybody knows what it’s like to want to approach a cute girl, but feeling nervous at the same time. Even if you do manage to walk over there, the fact that you’re even a little bit nervous means you’re wasting a lot of brainpower.
Fight Or Flight
Whenever we do something that causes anxiety, the fight of flight mechanism kicks in. One of the lesser known effects of fight or flight is higher reasoning shuts down. Your brain figures you might have to either run away, or physically defend yourself, so it conserves as much energy as it can. This means that you’re natural playful self can be shut off when you’re nervous. This is also why it’s very hard to come up with clever things to say in the moment, but later on, you almost always think of something better you could have said.
Anxiety Kills Thinking Power
The reason for this is simple. When your anxious, your brain is partially shut off. It’s much harder to be spontaneous and clever with your anxious and your brain is shut off. Later when you’re safely back with your friends, you can reevaluate that situation from a much more resourceful brain. This is why it’s easy to think of stuff you could have said when you are safely back with your friends.
One solution could be to just continue charging forward. Each time you think of something to day after the fact, you just remember to say that next time. But this is a lot of work. The best solution would be to figure out how to not be nervous in the first place. That is precisely what we are going to do here.
Train Your Brain
When you walk up to a cute girl, there is a lot on the line. If you are like most guys, you don’t have a ton of experience walking up to cute girls. And if you are like most guys, all of the experiences you have had talking to cute girls didn’t end well. This is simply a matter of statistics.
Statistical Pick Up
Even if you get a fairly high success rate of ten to twenty percent, meaning ten to twenty percent of the girls you approach end well, that means that eighty to ninety percent don’t end well. Even with these high closing rates, every time you approach a new girl, your brain is going to deliver a feeling that’s based on an eighty or ninety percent failure rate.
Danger Is Stronger Than Success
Way back in the caveman days, the law of the land was, “Better safe than sorry.” It was better to get scared, and run away even if the fear was false, than it was to get closer and find out. For example, imagine two cavemen. Both see a yellow flower. One assumes it’s a tiger and runs away. The other guy walks up to get a closer look. Even if it’s really a flower nine times out of ten, the guy who ran away is going to have more kids. All it takes is that one time out of ten where it really is a tiger, and the second guy will get eaten.
Better Safe Than Sorry
So our brains have evolved to have a rule that says, “Even if there’s only a small chance of danger, run!” So even with a ten or twenty percent success rate with girls, your brain will still make you get nervous. Luckily, with a bit of clever thinking, we can override that with some training.
Ten Exercises To Eradicate Approach Anxiety
These exercises are just that, exercises. None of them are a method of getting a girl’s number, or even to impress her. They are only exercises that are supposed to train your brain to see girls as safe and sometimes fun, never dangerous. These are easy. You aren’t expecting anything from the girls when you do these exercises, so it’s impossible to get rejected. Their only purpose is to build an experience of talking to girls in a playful way. So when you DO see a cute girl that you really would like to meet, walking up to her will be easy.
One – Develop The Approach Habit
As soon as you find yourself interested in anything, approach it. If you’re walking down the street and you see an interesting shop across the street, then cross the street and go look. Do this wherever you are, however you can. This will train your brain to feel that approaching interesting things is part of who you are. Even if something is even slightly interested, physically move closer to get a look. Do this enough, and pretty soon girls will just be another thing you want to get closer to so you can take a look.
Two – Think Like a Shark
One thing sharks like to do (besides eating people) is to always swim around. Mainly this is because if they stop swimming they’ll sink, but this isn’t really important. The idea is to act like a shark and always be moving. Whenever you are in a social situation, avoid standing still for very long. Always be slowly moving around, even if you never intend to approach anybody. This will develop a habit of always moving around your territory. So if you actually do see a cute girl, you can move toward her, even if you don’t actually talk to her. This will give you the experience that says, “I can go anywhere I want, I don’t need permission from anybody.”
Three – Use The Friend Pattern
Remember, none of these are intended to get her number or impress her. They are only designed to build up as many memories of talking to cute girls in a safe and fun way. If you see any girl that’s cute enough, walk over and pretend you know her. Smile at her before you do, as if she’s a friend. Walk over, (make up a name along the way) and call her that name when you get there. Act like you’re not quite sure that’s her name.
“Becky, right? From chemistry class?” (Use any place you go to regularly). She’ll look confused and tell you you’re wrong.
“Wow, you look just like her,” you say, and then leave. Don’t wait for a response. Leave before she has a chance to say anything. Some girls will want you to hang around, some girls may even get angry. But this is to just build up a lot of experiences talking to girls. As soon as you admit your “mistake,” apologize and leave before she has a chance to say anything.
Four – Hit and Run Compliments
This is another exercise where you walk up, say something and leave. This time you are going to give her a compliment. Something besides her looks. Anything that represents a choice she’s made. A safe compliment is something she’s wearing. Or say something unexpected (even if it’s not true) like, “I like the way your eye shadow highlights your cheek bones. Most girls can’t pull that off,” then leave. Don’t wait for her to tell you how awesome you are for giving her a compliment. Walk up, compliment her, and leave. Remember, we’re just building experiences, not collecting numbers!
Five – Rock Scissors Paper
No, don’t walk up and challenge her. This is a fun game to play with your friends. Use this whenever two or more of you have decided on a cute girl. Play rock-scissors-papers. The loser has to go over and talk to her. But the loser has to tell the girl that the winner (whatever guy is back where you started) really likes her but is afraid to approach. Once you tell her, walk back to your buddies. Remember, this isn’t a trick to get her number or anything. It’s just an exercise to build up the idea that approaching girls is fun.
Six – Research Scientist
Always have a list of the lamest pick up lines ever. Whenever you see a group of girls, walk over and ask for their help. Tell them you’re a freelance journalist, and collecting data to find the lamest pickup line of all time. Deliver five pickup lines, and ask them to tell you what the lamest one is. Then thank them and leave. Remember, we’re not collecting numbers, just build up memories of having fun while talking to girls.
Seven – The Memorized Pattern
While it is impossible to come up with a memorized pattern to actually get a girl’s number, since every single girl you talk to will be different and respond to you in different ways, we can memorize something to help with these exercises. Remember, this is just to build a lot of memories that says talking to girls is fun. So, what’s the pattern? Say something like this:
Hi, I wanted to come over and talk to you and I had the perfect line but I’m so nervous I forgot it on the way over. What should I do now?
This puts her back in the spot light, which is good because it will build up your memory that says girls are just as nervous in these situations as guys are. If she just stammers and stares, say “thanks anyway” and walk away. If she actually gives you serious advice, think about it, nod your head, and say, “Thanks, I’ll try that next time,” and walk away.
It’s best of you use this somewhere that you aren’t going to be hanging in out, or else it could get awkward. Use this if you are about to leave, or if you are in the supermarket or something. Once you get a few of these under your belt, and you have a collection of girls being on the spot and not knowing what to say, it will get a lot easier.
Eight – Say Hi To Random Girls
This is pretty easy, as you can do it anywhere. If you hold a strong frame, most people will just fall right into it, since most humans walk the Earth with a pretty weak frame. Just smile and wave, like you know her, and say, “Hi,” as if you were passing a good friend. Don’t stop, don’t wait for her to respond, just keep walking. Chances are she’ll say hi back, and wonder who you are. Remember, we’re building positive memories here, not getting numbers!
Nine – Hand Our Business Cards
This isn’t so she’ll call you. Having something physical to hand to her, (and that she’ll likely take) will make approaching her a lot easier. Even better if you can come up with a very confusing idea for your business card. Don’t put anything serious on there, and certainly don’t put your real number. Put something that she’ll read, and not understand right away. The idea is you see her, walk over and when you get close enough, say something like this:
“Hi, I just wanted to give you this,” and hold out your card. She’ll assume this is some kind of lame pickup attempt, and she’ll reach out to take your card. When she takes it, she’ll read it (it’s nearly impossible to take somebody’s business card and not glance at it). This when the fun begins. Put some crazy slogan on there, one that doesn’t really make sense. Put it next to a picture or image that also doesn’t make sense.
If you purposely leave off any contact information, the next thing she’s going to wonder is why in the heck did you approach her and give her a business card with no contact information? It will make zero sense. She’ll look at the card, and look at you (who should be walking away by now) and wonder what the heck just happened.
If you’ve done this enough times and it’s easy, you can get creative. Get a free blog somewhere, and put the URL on your card. Then on the blog, put something that makes even less sense, like you wearing a chicken suit and singing happy birthday. Or maybe giving a cooking demo, explaining how to make grilled sardines. The only rule is she still has to be clueless as to the reason. This will build up your own self belief that you are a man of mystery that girls can’t figure out. As silly as it seems, this goofy exercise will boost your self-confidence when talking to girls you REALLY want to get to know.
Ten – Use Hypnosis
Approach anxiety is based on a lot of common thoughts, most of them misconceptions about what will happen if you walk over and start a conversation. Of course, hypnosis coupled with a few of these exercises done over a couple of weeks will blow your approach anxiety completely away. And with approach anxiety out of the way, you’ll be getting numbers from cute girls who are genuinely interested in you.
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