One of the biggest obstacles to persuasion is our ego.
It doesn’t matter of you’re in proper face to face sales, or if you’re just getting somebody to agree that purple is a better color than red.
Either way, your ego can get in the way, and destroy everything.
Because it’s the ego’s job to always get recognition and approval. The ego is the part of you that wants to be recognized for coming up with such a genius argument. The ego is the part of you makes it nearly impossible to insert YOU into any argument or persuasion you make.
When many of us think of persuading somebody to do something, even if we KNOW what’s good for them, part of us is expecting a reward, from them, for doing so.
It’s as if we want to persuade them, or help them, or show them a better way of doing something, ONLY IF they are going to turn to us afterwards and say, “Hey, you’re really a genius! Thanks for convincing me to do this! You’re a lifesaver!”
Unfortunately, if this is what’s motivating you, even in part, you’re going to be disappointed.
Since nobody likes being told what to do, even if it’s helpful advice, any sense that you are trying assert YOUR ego on the situation is going to be met with fierce resistance.
That’s why covert influence is so tough. Not because the techniques themselves are hard to learn or apply, but because it’s a lot harder than we think to let go of our ego.
Look at it this way. You come up with an ingenious, covert argument, based on THEIR criteria, that you’ve covertly elicited. You slip your ideas in there, in the middle of a normal conversation, and they suddenly have an idea. An idea to do something different. An idea that YOU covertly planted in their mind.
Only they think it’s THEIR idea. Which means that they won’t turn around and thank you, or even acknowledge what you’ve just done.
In fact, they may even interrupt you halfway through some beautiful nested metaphor that you’ve been spinning for the last twenty minutes, because they’ve had such a great idea.
YOUR idea, that they think is THEIRS.
Like I said, at first, this is tough to swallow. Your ego is going to be let down. Left out. Unappreciated.
But once you get over THAT, you’ll find this is a LOT of fun.