I have some really weird friends.
They’ve been having this really outlandish competitions since they were in college.
Now, they have full time jobs and families, but at least once per year they’ll take a vacation together and have the absolute craziest competitions.
Like they’ll each put $500 in a pot, and they’ll go into an average, upper class neighborhood and try to sell sacks of dirt door to door.
Whoever sells the first sack of dirt, with photo evidence, wins the money.
I have a friend who just barely graduated from college with a degree in education, with a focus on mathematics.
But he spent all his time studying hypnosis in the library.
So when he went to apply for a job as an algebra teacher, he hypnotized the principal and got hired.
Even though he knows absolutely nothing about algebra.
He got B’s and A’s in his education classes, but D’s and F’s in all his math classes, but they averaged out so he still graduated.
There’s this preacher who had a vision of Jesus once when he was pulling weeds in the garden in his church.
Jesus told him the only way to get into heaven is through mathematical formulas.
So he took a break from preaching, and got a PhD in mathematics.
Now he preaches on a corner, but he only speaks in equations.
How to derive the quadratic equation, how to derive Euler’s identity, and why Maxwell’s equations are the words of God Himself.
Ultra Conservative Bible Teacher
Back in the fifties there was this bible teacher who was an ultra conservative, even back then.
He taught the youth group, and had the idea that even feeling sexual arousal was a ticket straight to hell.
That Jesus said lusting in your heart was just as bad as banging your next door neighbor while her husband was away.
And any time he suspected any of his kids were thinking sexual thoughts, he would punish them forcing them to do long, complicated algebra equations in front of the entire group.
But then something unexpected happened.
These young kids discovered the truth of algebra.
That within algebra is beauty.
An understanding of what Plato really meant when he said that philosophy is a perfected version of an imperfect world.
So they started to purposely think sexual thoughts so they could do more algebra.
Pretty soon they competed to see who could come up with the strangest and most perverted sexual fantasies to get the harshest algebraic punishments.
It wasn’t long before they connected the two.
Every time you think of algebra, you think of sex.
Every time you think of sex, you think of algebra.
Every time you have an orgasm, you imagine the quadratic equation.
The kids eventually left the bible study and formed their own cult.
And they inadvertently discovered the truth.
That with a combination of unfettered sexual energy and a deep appreciation of algebraic truth, one can transcend this unholy plane of existence.
One can sexually derive the perfect identities to get into heaven, and experience eternal bliss along side the author of all truth.
Free from any remainders or unsolvable partial differential equations.
Not The Audience He Was Hoping For
His plan kind of backfired.
Nobody understand the street preacher who was speaking in quadratic equations.
Nobody had any idea he was giving out freely the secrets to get into heaven.
The only people who showed up to listen to him were gamblers on their way to the track.
They though if they managed to understand this numeric message, you will eventually a sure fire betting system to use down at the track.
He did the same thing with his students as he did with the principal.
Every day he would tell them purposely confusing hypnotic stories.
So they would remember something about algebra.
His plan was that if he implanted a deep love of algebra in the minds of his confused students, they would be motivated, for their own selfish reasons, to study algebra.
To find the ancient secrets hidden in plain sight.
The truth of everything that can be found in even the most poorly written algebra textbook.
One year they tried to get free groceries.
To show up at the checker, with a basket filled with groceries, and get through without having to pay.
Mind Persuasion has plenty of books and courses to teach you how to speak hypnotically and persuasively.