Pub Crawl Disaster
I used to know this group of guys who did a pub crawl every year.
I don’t know how it started, but they kept it up for a long, long time.
They would meet on the same day, at the same hotel, every year.
A hotel that was on a long street with a lot of bars.
And every year, they would leave the hotel at dusk, and come staggering back the next morning at dawn.
But then they augmented their pub crawl, and this ruined everything.
Pancake Disaster
I used to work with these two guys.
They got hired at the same time, had the same major, and formed and instant friendship.
But then one weekend they made a rather strange bet.
A bet who could go the longest, and eat only pancakes at every meal.
A buddy of mine and I once did a popsicle experiment.
Popsicle Catastrophe
We were intending to create a new popsicle flavor by storm, and would make us multi millionaires.
But we didn’t want to do this haphazardly.
We did this scientifically, with a statistic process known as analysis of variance.
We tried every combination of every flavor we could, hoping we would eventually, through our statistic dedication, stumble upon the magic mix, a popsicle elixir that would elicit bliss in the suckers of our future magic sticks of pleasure.
Likely Serial Killer
I used to have this friend who was an engineer.
But he was a really creepy guy.
He’s the guy you’d actually expect to be a serial killer.
Not like normal serial killers, who kill people for decades, eat them, keep their bodies in their basements, and then all their neighbors are surprised.
This guy was somebody who was absolutely brilliant, but he always radiated this just on edge of sanity energy.
Dude, You Gotta See This
Once, he invited me over to his apartment, to show me his new invention.
And he said he only wanted to show me since he trusted me, and I was absolutely not allowed to tell anybody about what he was about to show me.
Naturally, I was a bit nervous, but I was more worried that if didn’t play along, he’d kill me and turn me into beef jerky or something.
But what he showed me, while extremely creepy, was not nearly as bad as I’d imagined.
Sneaking Inside Her Box
He lived in a luxury apartment, and found out the apartment next to his was a mirror image of his.
So he spent six months cutting a hole in the wall behind his neighbors refrigerator.
He built a special device that would measure her brainwaves while she slept.
So he’d only cut a hole through the wall into her apartment while she was in the deep delta state.
And he build a special door connecting the back of his refrigerator, and her refrigerator.
Where’d This Chicken Come From?
One that you can’t see from his side until you open the hidden latch in the back.
And when you open the hidden latch in the back of her refrigerator, you can see the inside of her refrigerator.
He said he’s reverse engineered her shopping patterns from the food that appears in her fridge.
He’s also hacked his way into her bank account, and according to his calculations, she’s not the best accountant.
Calculated Theft
So he take two cans out of any twelve pack she buys.
Or two eggs out of any dozen she buys.
So far, he’s only having fun stealing her food out of her fridge with her knowledge.
But he’s toying with the idea of putting things in there.
First, small pieces of food that she doesn’t normally buy.
Like a half eaten lasagna, or a half a chicken.
Maybe just to have fun driving her insane.
Rats In The Fridge
But he also said he fantasizes about putting things like rats, or nice, or boxes of cockroaches in there, just to see how she’ll react.
However he said this is just a fantasy, because if you found a rat in your refrigerator, you’d call somebody and they would find the hidden door.
So far, he’s content with slowly and carefully stealing her food.
Fish Sauce Popsicles
We only got as far as chicken broth and fish sauce.
We didn’t think that anybody would enjoy sucking on fish sauce popsicles, so we abandoned our experiment.
It all came to a crashing halt when they decided to add one more element after their long night of drinking.
How We’d Get Here?
I suppose it sounded like a good idea at the time, so they decided to add on a pancake crawl after their pub crawl.
Meaning they would go to every pancake house in the city and have at least pancake.
But the first time they tried it, they got lost and ended up sleeping in a local park.
I can’t believe they kept it up for so long.
That’s A Big Stack
They went on for six years, only eating pancakes.
Finally, they agreed to a truce when one of them was getting married.
And his wife refused to marry him unless they had something other than pancakes at their wedding.
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