There’s a difference between specific criteria, and pre-programmed criteria.
Understanding both is crucial to win-win persuasion, the kind where everybody gets what they want and feels better off after the transaction.
Regardless of whether you’re selling million dollar homes or convincing your partner to watch Mad Men instead of America’s Got Talent, understand ALL criteria is essential to getting everybody feeling good.
What you want to avoid is any feeling of, “well, I’m giving in THIS TIME, so you OWE ME one.”
Sadly, most people, either in proper “persuasion” like sales, or when you’re simply trying to get your buddies to see an action movie instead of going to the strip club, we rarely focus on the other person’s criteria.
We usually bash them over the head with our own reasons, and sometimes even insinuate that they’re “idiots” if they don’t go along with us. This kind of pressure tactic happens all the time in the “hard sell.”
“Look, Mr. Customer, at this point, some people would like to shop around. But I can see you’re not weak like that. Somebody smart like you knows a good deal when they see it, and they’re smart enough to take advantage of it.”
This may get the sale, but it will leave a bad taste in their mouth.
How do you avoid this?
By simply focusing on their criteria. BOTH criteria.
There’s the criteria if what we’re actually trying to accomplish. If your partner wants to watch a certain TV show, then they’re looking to feel a certain way, perhaps a familiar expectation of what will happen.
Then there’s the “built in” criteria that we ALL have. The need to feel appreciated, recognized, and respected for our ideas, regardless of what they are. Also to have our fears acknowledged, and be told that whatever we do, our fears won’t come to pass.
If you can satisfy BOTH of these criteria, not only will THEY be happy as a clam because of YOU, but they’ll perceive YOU as having some kind of super human skills of communication.
Making ANYTHING you say more compelling than ever.
Naturally, there’s a very powerful set of language patterns in which to weave together THEIR criteria (both of them) and YOUR ideas.