Best Bench in Town
There’s this really cool bench near where I live.
It’s this one bench in this big park that is absolutely perfect.
The park is kind of a long greenbelt, with this stream running through the center.
There are plenty of ducks that hang out in the stream, and plenty of squirrels and rabbits that hang out in the greenbelt.
But this one bench is perfect. It’s under this big tree, and even on hot days, the breeze keeps this bench cool until about 2 in the afternoon.
Buy Books
Because of this one bench, I started buying paperback books just to go there and read them, the experience is so pleasant.
The other day I was reading this novel and this woman approached me. I mean she was walking right at me, and she was really attractive.
Once I was in Vegas. It was about 2 or 3 in the morning. I’d lost most of my money and I wanted to do a few shots of whiskey before stumbling back to my room.
There was a woman talking to a guy a few seats down. His back was to me, so while she was talking to him, she started to make flirty eye contact with me.
This, of course, increased my mood considerably. We kept trading flirty eye contact the whole time she was talking to him. I started to imagine that I was some kind of super hero alpha male that was out slaying the ladies left and right.
Misread Intentions
Turns out she wanted to invite me to her church.
So I show up, and at first it seems like a Unitarian church. The kind where people go not because they want some JESUS, but because they like to hang out with other non denominational Christian types.
But the preacher comes in and she is absolutely gorgeous. I mean if this was a movie about a church, nobody would believe it. She looked like a super model. Gorgeous body. Gorgeous face.
But then she started preaching, and her voice was so sweet. So pleasant. So comforting. I was absolutely transfixed.
Not Like Being Dead
They say that when you have surgery and undergo anesthesia, it’s like dying. When you sleep, when you’re in some kind of trance, even when you’re in a coma, you can sense a loss of time when you wake up.
But when you have surgery, your entire mind body system is absolutely blanked out. You can’t remember anything.
So when I came out of the trance, I knew immediately I had been out for about twenty minutes.
But that wasn’t the strangest thing. The strangest thing was that everybody was speaking in tongues. Like in those Pentecostal churches or those Holy Rollers.
Me and everybody else had our hands in the air and the spirit was flowing through us like water.
Lovely Money Flow
Then we all calmed down and they passed the collection baskets around. And man, we couldn’t fill those up quick enough.
I mean I only had about $47, but I wish I had more. Everybody was the same.
Everybody had this strong desire to give this person money.
But only than, as we were putting all our money in the baskets, this super gorgeous preacher just stood up their radiating pure love like an angel.
I looked up at her and I only wanted to obey this person.
I hoped this person would tell me what to do so I could do whatever this person wanted.
Super Love
I wanted her to ask for my credit card numbers so I could give this person everything.
This person seemed so wonderful, so perfect, so pure, so honest.
I still remember that feeling. Not like I was conned or tricked, but I was lucky enough to be in the presence of such a godlike person. Somebody, that, when you look at this person, when you hear this person’s voice, all you want to do is be completely obedient to this person.
Finally the guy got up and left, and I thought it was my big chance. The girl came over to talk to me and I was actually convinced, by then, I was some kind of lady slaying super hero.
Then she asked if I was ready to party. I remembered where I was, and realized she was a prostitute. The only time I get approached by a prostitute and I’ve only got about three dollars.
Not A Hooker
As she got closer and closer, I wondered what she wanted. I mean, nobody attractive woman will approach a guy like me in a park, unless she want’s something, right?
My first thought was that she was going to try to get me to join some kind of weird network marketing group.
But then I realized she was selling Jesus. That’s a pretty good business model. A super hot preacher with hypnotic skills, who sends out equally hot agents of Jesus to recruit people.
Need To Earn
Now I feel like I need to find a way to make more money.
So I can keep coming back to this, again and again, and keep giving this preacher money.
I just wonder how she hypnotized us to speak the language of the Holy Spirit.
Because once you feel the spirit, everything seems so natural.
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