Three Stages
In life, we can consider three very basic categories of learned skills.
Compared to inborn skills, like running, fighting, language and having sex.
These are things we need to learn on top of the things we are born able to do.
Of course, there is plenty of overlap.
These are just metaphors to help wrap your mind around some things.
Firstly, there are what we can call “recipe skills.”
Somebody gives you the instructions, you follow the instructions, and POOF!
You get the outcome.
Of course, it’s not so simple.
Even making pancakes from pancake mix doesn’t guarantee success.
Once, way back when I was in boy scouts, I tried making pancakes.
And I put the water in first.
Big no-no.
First the mix, then the water until it’s the right consistency.
Then frying at the right heat for the right time.
Then you got to flip it over without messing it up.
Step By Step Fail
Even a very simple step by step recipe has plenty of opportunities for error.
Next we can look at skills that are more like “blueprint skills.”
Like building a house from a set of blueprints.
This takes a LOT of learning.
A LOT of experience.
Even though the directions are explicit, in that if you follow them correctly, you’ll get a house, they are FAR from automatic.
Learning how to build a house from set of blueprints takes a lot longer than learning how to make a few pancakes.
Then there are skills involving other people.
These are mostly innate skills.
This is the overlap we talked about earlier.
DNA Driven Skills
We are all born with a whole bunch of communication skills.
Both verbal and non verbal.
And we do communicate for a purpose, every single time.
Sometimes the purpose is instinctively driven.
Other times the purpose is consciously chosen.
But the structure is the same.
The thing keeping most humans from practicing the first two categories of skills is boredom, and maybe a bit of fear of failure.
But for interpersonal skills, the main thing holding us back is fear.
But this is ONLY because most of us practice the wrong way.
If you practice the wrong way in ANYTHING you’re really messing yourself up.
Like what if you thought you were practicing the fine art of making pancakes but you kept cooking them on your barbecue?
You just poured the batter through the grill and directly onto the coals.
Then you’d tell your friends that making pancakes “doesn’t work.”
Practice Correctly
Because you did what the recipe said, and it came out horrible.
Most people practice interpersonal skills the same.
If you practice the wrong way, you’ll keep getting the wrong outcome.
But if you practice the right way?
The outcome will take care of itself.
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