Congruence is one of those vague things that sounds really good, is extremely powerful, but kind of hard to define.
Kind of like the Supreme Court defined Pornography a few years ago:
“I can’t describe it, but I know it when I see it.”
It’s one the reasons that marketing on YouTube is so powerful, or can be so powerful.
So, what is congruence, and how can you get it?
When it comes to persuasion, there’s two sides to it. Yours and the person you’re persuading.
Let’s start with yours. You being congruent that everything you say, do and project is “in sync.”
Once I had this boss who said “This company will never do X,” but while he did that, he crossed his legs, arms and broke eye contact. Not congruent.
Another time I was in a job interview, for a company that’d had negative earnings per share for a while. I asked when they thought they’d move into positive territory. The guy squirmed in his seat, broke eye contact, and crossed his arms. Not congruent.
Even the most skilled politicians (those clowns that are on TV all the time) aren’t very congruent. If you try to find any correlation between their gestures and what they’re saying, it’s usually a jumbled mess.
How do you become congruent?
Make sure everything matches up. All your instruments on the same note. When you say “yes,” your whole body should be screaming “yes!”
When you make a command, your tonality should be command tonality, not question tonality.
When you ask a question, make sure it’s really a question and not a veiled insult.
In short, be open and clear. If you’re angry, don’t hide it. If you’re happy, don’t hide it. If you aren’t sure, don’t hide it.
Now, this ain’t easy, I’ll admit. Most people are terrified of “showing all their cards.” We feel that we’ll be opening up ourselves to manipulation and trickery. The truth is just the opposite. When you are congruent, totally congruent, you become totally attractive, magnetic and charismatic.
That’s the last person people will want to manipulate.