There’s two main mindsets of life.
That of being a kid, and that of being an adult.
That of being a receiver, and that of being a creator.
That of someone who is dependent on others for their happiness, and that of someone who knows that only THEY are responsible for creating their happiness.
When many guys approach girls, they have the first mindset as their default. They see that girl over there as the answer to their prayers, as some kind of net “giver” of happiness.
This comes out in the language we use. We “get” her phone number. She “catches” us looking. We “get lucky.
These all presuppose that we’re some kind of desperate clowns hoping the gods will smile at us.
Of course, many of us paper over these by going to the opposite extreme. We think we can con our way into her pants, or trick her into liking us, or some how “engineer” the situation to “amp up” her attraction.
This is similar to switching from nice guy behavior (so you won’t get rejected) to jerk behavior (so you won’t get rejected). Both of them are external shells to protect a scared little boy inside.
What’s a better alternative?
The adult, “trader” mindset. You’ve got qualities, she’s got qualities. You’d like to demonstrate your qualities to her, and you’d like to find out what hers are. If you like what she’s got, and she likes what you’ve got, then you’ve got something going. This is the basis for all relationships, romantic, friendships, and business.
The only difference is that in business, it all happens consciously, while in friendships and romantic relationships, it usually happens unconsciously.
That’s why so many relationships crash and burn. One or both partners start off “putting their best foot forward.”
Problem is it’s hard to keep doing that. Pretty soon you’ll revert back to your normal behavior. Unfortunately, unless that’s the behavior you originally presented, something’s going to seem fishy.
If this were a business deal, and you “misrepresented” yourself, you’d be guilty of fraud.
So why not just throw the whole “put your best foot forward” crap in the trash?
Be yourself from the get go. Let her see who you REALLY are, so when she does feel attraction to you, it will be to the REAL YOU and not the persona you’re trying to create?
This “trading” model of exchange is one that shows up in pretty much every area of life.
Learn how to master it, and you’ll master life. Or anything else.
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