Looking For The Time
I needed a clock, so I went to home depot. I wanted a big, analog clock to put on the wall. Something about a big analog clock up on the wall gives you a different perspective of time than a digital one on your device or in the lower corner of your PC.
I walked into home depot, but even though I only needed a clock, I grabbed a cart. Perhaps because I was in a lazy mood, and didn’t want to walk in, grab a clock and walk out.
Perhaps because my subconscious could predict the future better than I could. Who knows. But even though I only wanted one thing, it felt kind of comfortable just wandering up and down the aisles, looking at all the various things.
Shower Stuff
I was in the bathroom fixtures aisle when this woman approached me. She walked up like she thought I worked there. Like she had a specific question to ask.
When strangers approach another stranger for no obvious reason, they tend to project a different kind of energy. But after a few steps, I had to update my assumption about her.
She didn’t look at me like she was going to ask where the plungers were. She looked at me like she knew me. At smiling look of recognition. Which of course, leads to a potential paradox.
Um…
She was easy on the eyes, and anybody who is easy on the eyes walking up with an open posture and a smiling face almost necessitates a reciprocal response.
On the other hand, it could be awkward if she realizes halfway through the conversation that she’s made a mistake. Something like that could leave a bad taste in your brain.
Of course, there’s always the option that she’s a master con artist who is going to steal my liver, but I didn’t think of that at the time. Before I could decide what to do, I was already in the middle of a conversation with her.
Problems?
Based on a few of the linguistic presuppositions she dropped, I had surmised that the last time we talked, in the alternate universe where we knew each other, she had a serious problem that she didn’t know how to solve.
But now, she had apparently solved her issues, saw me, recognized me, and was eager to report on her progress. I figured I’d just better listen, to see where this story leads.
She said she did a lot of shopping around for a therapist, and ended up with an actual psychiatrist. Not because she thought she needed some kind of pharmaceutical solution, but because she was highly recommended.
Seeking Social Success
Not only that, she’d written a lot of books. And in these books were stories of profound success, mostly social success that leads to being able to enjoy deeper relationships, and being able to create easier friendships.
Her method was kind of strange. According to her, most social anxiety doesn’t have a specific cause. It’s mostly a generalized anxiety that happens when we need to access thoughts and memories that we don’t normally access.
The metaphor she uses is a closet with a bunch of haphazardly piled up clothing. Suppose you have plenty of nice clothes, but they are all in a huge pile in your closet.
What Should I Wear
Any time somebody talked to you about going someplace nice, you would quickly and subconsciously imagine going through your clothes.
And this would cause a bit of stress. You would be worried about not finding the right thing. You would be worried about finding the right thing but nothing to match it. You would be worried about finding the right thing but it would be all wrinkled.
Inside this metaphor, the solution is simple. Get those people who come to your house and put in one of those closet organizers. When you do that, just looking at your clean and organized closet gives you a good feeling.
Wanna Go Out?
Later, if somebody asks you to go out, you can imagine all the good feelings as you stand in front of your well organized closet and pick the best thing.
She’d created a hypnotic process that does the same thing with your thoughts. To go through, and categorize and dust off all your old thoughts and memories.
To create a kind of mental thought organizer. So when somebody wants to talk to you, and you suspect you’ll need some thoughts from deeper in your imagination, you can easily look inside your mind and find the best ones to use.
Instant Change
She told me it was incredibly easy after the process. She went from being an introvert with a high amount of social anxiety to a very socially confident extrovert. She was able to remove all shyness.
She felt totally comfortable being able to start conversations with strangers. She felt totally naturally being able to talk to anybody about anything.
She said it was totally easy for her to keep a conversation going.
Wow. Now What?
When she finished telling me her story, she gave me this kind of strange look, reached over and gave me a squeeze on my upper arm and said:
I know you don’t know me, but I could sense you had some real friendly energy. That’s why I approached you as if we were friends. It’s funny when that happens.
When you approach somebody and act like you are already friends, they will simply act like they are your friend.
Act Like A Friend
If you approach somebody but are nervous, they will be nervous. This is something I’ve discovered totally by accident.
Simply act like you are already friends with somebody and that is the most comfortable frame for anybody. To be friends. So lead with that frame, and everything goes smoothly.
I ended buying a lot more than a clock. Which proves my subconscious is a lot smarter than I am, which, you know, really isn’t saying much.
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