I have this friend who fell down the rabbit hole of apocalyptic doom.
There more doom porn he read, the more he was convinced that the end of society is just around the corner.
So he went to the store to stock up on end of the world supplies, but he immediately realized his problem.
He didn’t have unlimited money, he didn’t have unlimited storage space, and the coming apocalypse was going to last for an unknown length of time.
Potentially longer than his life.
Maximize and Minimize
So he had to sit down and create a multivariable equation to maximize his money, storage space, and shelf life.
So he carefully went to the store and recorded all the three most important data points for everything he could find.
The calories per dollar, the he wanted to maximize.
The shelf life, which he wanted to maximize.
And the foot print, that he wanted to minimize.
They Owe Me
Once there was this guy that thought the world owed him a large sum of money.
And his purpose, as given to him one night by the Michael the Archangel, who came to him in a hallucination was to prove this to the masses.
And this came across as him suing anybody and everybody.
Lucky for him, he found enough sleazy lawyers that would help him.
His most recent lawsuit scam involves alphabet soup.
Double Dipping Factories
There are a couple of companies, pooled their resources.
Not just the factory floor space, the equipment, and the workers, but the money they used to bribe the FDA to circumvent as many regulations as they could circumvent.
This ended up with a little mixing of their products, but since everybody has insulated themselves with sufficient layers of plausible deniability, nobody knows who’s responsible for anything.
Tax Outside The Box
There was this city that was desperate to get some kind of money, as their tax revenues have been catastrophically collapsing.
The first thing they did was to experiment with forced segregation, but not for the reason you’d expect.
They hired a consultant who convinced them that when you have a ghost in your house, it’s not the house that’s haunted, it’s you.
So they kept randomly segregating people to various neighborhoods based on various demographics, until they had all the haunted people in one neighborhood.
Of course, they kept the ghost-human connection as secret as possible.
They started to bill this as the first ever haunted neighborhood.
They have Halloween every Friday and Saturday night.
People stay in hotels just outside the haunted district, and go trick or treating in the haunted neighborhood.
All the candy companies subsidize this, and for their part, the people who are forced to live in the ghost ghetto get as much candy as they hand out.
So everybody is happy in the end.
Why So Crunch?
If you ever are eating some cereal meant for children and you get some unexpected crunchiness, it’s because of this two in one factory.
Every other day, the factory produces various cereal for children.
And every other day, the same factory, equipment and people produce vegan dog food.
And since they look the same, they don’t spend a lot of time cleaning out the machinery between shifts.
Gotta Find An Angle
His theory is that if he finds a significant number of cans are missing any letters, he’ll have the foundations of a lawsuit.
For example, if 80% of cans of alphabet soup are missing the letter Q, that would be grounds for a false advertising campaign.
Three Dense Foods
He set up a huge excel spreadsheet to catalogue everything.
And he found three particular items that are clearly ahead of all the rest.
Dog food, peanut butter and Spam.
So now he’s got one pallet in his basement stacked up four feet high with dog food, peanut butter and Spam.
This cost him a little less than $600, and will last him for two years.
So now he’s ready and eager for the coming apocalypse.
Although his plans are not quite complete, but they are not as pressing.
He’s next step is to find the most delicious combination of these three, or perhaps the proper sequence to eat them in for the best results.
Mind Persuasion has plenty of books and courses to teach you how to speak hypnotically and persuasively.