Japanese Genius
I have this friend in Japan who, after a long and circuitous route, has finally managed to open his own shop.
He did so after getting a PhD in electrical engineering, and then realizing what a huge mistake that might have been.
But then he found a way out and now has his dream job.
Angry Freelancer
There’s this Uber drive who is significantly underemployed.
He’s got two masters degrees, but the best he can is drive for Uber.
He has figured out a way to get his revenge by punishing some of the more obnoxious drivers.
Angry Old Lady
There’s an old woman who works in this bakery attached to a large supermarket in this neighborhood where my friend used to live.
She is old and friendly, but inwardly she is pretty evil.
She murders cats and puts them in the cupcakes that she sometimes gives to little kids.
Magic Newspaper
There is this small newspaper in this small town in the upper Midwest that is surprisingly profitable.
Most small papers have gone out of business.
But their secret is that one of the opinion writers generates a ton of sales.
Killer ROI
So they get a ton of revenue from advertisers, this guy has a way of writing that makes people want to buy everything.
These words have a kind of hypnosis built into them.
The content of these stories is pretty random and haphazard.
How Many Slides?
Usually about things like city council discussions about whether to add another swing set to the local park.
Or which of the stop signs need to be rotated or who to hire to repaint the addresses on the curbs.
But the words use to discuss these things make the tangential ideas very, very compelling.
This Is Amazing
Like you can’t help but be incredibly attracted to this.
Your mind starts to drift over to the images on the side.
And all you want to do is buy everything.
Because everything suddenly seems so compelling.
You just can’t help but to find this mesmerizing.
To find this incredibly seductive.
To find this so wonderful you can’t take your eyes off it.
Sweet Slow Death
What she does is put poison in their food.
And she boils their bodies, and takes out their muscle tissue.
Then she puts them in a dehydrator, and grinds them into a fine powder.
Just A Dash
She only puts a little bit of the powder into the cupcakes.
It’s not dangerous.
She gets a thrill by watching little kids eat cupcakes that have murdered kittens baked into them.
Two Wiper System
She set up a dual windshield wiper system.
One is filled with regular wiper fluid.
The other is filled with extremely concentrated LSD.
And it shoots a mist into whoever’s sitting in the back seat’s face.
So when some obnoxious drunk person gets in his car and gives him hard time, he gives them a very, very strong dose of LSD.
I Think I Made A Mistake
He loved electronics, and he dreamed about getting a job at big company.
But he really only wanted that as a means to an end.
So when he got his PhD, he realized it wasn’t want he wanted.
Now I’m Home
So he saved his money and bought a shop.
In Japan, once you buy a shop, so long as you can pay your electric bill, you don’t have to worry about customers.
So his entire shop is really a hobby, and he doesn’t care if he has customers or not.
He just build electronic devices that do cool things.
Skating By Nicely
He still consults with a few companies, which is enough to pay his bills.
The rest of the time, he spends monkeying around in his job.
Building time travel and teleportation devices.
And other things to playfully alter the fabric of reality.
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