Coffee Shop Girl
There’s a coffee shop near my apartment that used to fill me with feelings of delight and a positive hope for the future but now now just the thought of this coffee shop fills me with dread and horror.
I used to go there once a week or so. There is a woman there that was very attractive very friendly very outgoing. She was mid-30s and she always seemed very happy to see me and I could never quite tell if she was actually happy to see me or if she was just treating me like another regular customer that she recognized so I decided to test and find out.
I asked her out and she immediately said yes. Unhesitatingly said yes unquestionably said yes. She suggested that we should meet at a different coffee shop and so we met at this other coffee shop a couple of days later.
So Far So Good
Right off the bat she started off by kind of laying down the gauntlet and she said I will only date men who go to my church. She didn’t say “a” church she didn’t say any church she didn’t say Christian she said “my” church.
I said all right what is your church? She told me her church was this local church. I’d seen the building a few times I think I might’ve heard about it a few times but I figured what the heck might as well just to see what it’s all about because now I was curious why she said “her” church.
Once she closed me on a second date, once I agreed to go to her church, her energy seemed to change just a little bit. She seemed to be less interested in having a friendly conversation and it seemed like the only reason she wanted to meet me for that date was to close me for the second date which of course made me even more interested because that is never really happened before.
No Info Online
I tried to look at the church on the Internet, I couldn’t find anything except its address. I found the physical building but I couldn’t really find a lot of information about the particular church. It seemed to be a Christian church but it didn’t have any crosses or any traditional icons associated with Christianity.
When I first walked in, she told me to meet her inside, just to go inside and sit down and she would find me, when I first walked in the first thing I checked was to see if they would have any books in the pews to follow along the preaching or to follow along with the songs. There were no books in the pews.
Once I realized there were no books in the pews I started to look around to see if the people coming in would be bring in their own Bibles because usually if you have churches that don’t have books in the pews these are churches where people bring their own Bibles to follow along and that usually means the people at that particular church are very very knowledgeable about the Bible.
No Books No Bibles
The people that showed up didn’t bring any books they just came empty-handed and they sat down these pews didn’t have any books. This told me that this type of church was heavily depended upon the personality and the particular sermon of the preacher.
I sat there and waited. I was about 10 minutes early. The girl came in and sat next to me and as soon as the preacher walked out in front the mood of the energy the feeling of the entire crowd the room just changed. At first people being very quiet kind of whispering to each other saying hi to their friends it was all very quiet very polite very respectful.
When the preacher walked out, everyone just became silent and the looks on their faces all immediately changed. It appeared as if everybody just stopped thinking and all their faces looked up at this preacher with massive attention and dedication and openness reverence and submission.
Sucked Into The Obedient Hive Mind
I thought it was very strange but I also found it was very very difficult to continue remaining objective. I was trying to be as objective as possible I was trying to maintain my sense of self to maintain a sense of objective observation but this was becoming very very difficult. Everyone else in the room except for me was completely congruent in their absolute attention and focus and reverence to this preacher who would come out.
He started talking. The words he was saying weren’t that remarkable there were various quotes about Jesus they were various anecdotes about Bible stories a few kind of references to current events, but something else was happening. Something was happening much deeper beneath his words.
He had a sense of energy. He had a sense of focus. He had a sense of presence. He had a sense of attention of, of capturing the attention in the minds of the thinking of everybody in the room. The more he talks the more I couldn’t help but just forget myself.
Lose Yourself
The more I couldn’t help but just release my own individuality and join with the collective consciousness of the group that was watching him talk. After about 20 minutes there was a very small voice in the back of my head saying it might be a good idea for you to get up and leave because this situation is very very dangerous. But that was a very tiny voice that was very easy to ignore.
There is a much stronger voice in my mind that wasn’t my voice, but it was a very pleasant voice. This voice was saying listen to this voice, do everything this voice says. Become naturally obedient to this voice. Allow yourself to feel how wonderful it feels to be obedient to this voice.
Allow yourself to feel how relaxed it is to simply let go and let this voice do your thinking for you. Let this voice do your dreaming for you. Let this voice be the chooser of your desires. Let this voice be the thinker of your thoughts, the planner of your actions, motivator behind your behaviors.
Give Yourself Up
Let this voice control you. Let this voice come, tell you, let this voice consume you. This went on for another 20 minutes and finally it ended.
I don’t really remember it ending. I just remembered I was standing I was shuffling outside with everybody else. Then I noticed that everybody including myself was crying because everybody was so sad that this had ended.
I didn’t realize this until I was outside physically outside of the building and I had my car in view that while I was in there getting ready to surrender to the voice. I wanted that feeling to last for all eternity. I didn’t want anything more than to be in the presence of that voice and to be completely submissive to that voice for all eternity.
Want To Stay Forever
It was so sad to leave that behind, but the further I drove away from the place the more I realized what a horrific experience it was because as I drove away I started to remember myself I started to remember my own independent thinking. I started to become familiar with my own thoughts, my own decisions, my own thinking, my own memories, my own planning.
When I finally got back home I realized that I was finally free of that voice that I did not ever want to hear in my head again. Now every time I drive past that coffee shop I feel nothing but a sense of deep terror.
Never Want To Go Back
I’m afraid if I go in there and if I look at that woman again and she looked at me with those beautiful welcoming inviting eyes that seem so kind and gentle and open and sincere, but I know that if I let myself slip into those eyes it will be a slippery slope all the way down into hell from which I can never escape.
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