Confidence Paradox
One of the most critical things you can develop is confidence.
Of course, there are many kinds of confidence.
You can be confident in making a delicious piece of toast.
But you can be absolutely lacking confidence when it comes to baking a cake, from scratch, only from memory.
Or you can have general confidence in your cooking skills.
Suppose you’ve done a lot of cooking in your life.
And you have plenty of experience making a wide variety of foods.
In this situation, if you were to step into a fully stocked kitchen, you’d have zero concerns about whipping up something delicious.
Even for a large dinner party.
You’d check the fridge, check the pantry, check all the various cupboards, and in your head, put together a game plan.
If you’ve been playing instruments for a while, you’d be confident you could look at ANY piece of sheet music and hear the music playing in your head.
But for most people, having social confidence is another category altogether.
Illogical
But the reason isn’t what people think it is.
We think of things like social confidence and public speaking confidence as more binary.
I can do that.
I can’t do that.
Many people hide various labels.
It’s certainly comforting.
But it’s not very helpful.
One way to think about social confidence is something that is ALWAYS in flux.
You are always getting new experiences.
You are always building new memories.
And it’s a pretty safe bet to say that the MORE memories you have of doing anything social, the better you’ll do.
Contradiction?
This may sound a bit contradictory.
You may say, “But what if I have a ton of memories of failure?”
Well, what is failure, exactly?
Failure is not getting what you want.
So, who says you should want anything?
What if your outcome is ONLY to have fun?
What if you can truly become outcome independent.
From a purely logical standpoint, you cannot fail.
Since you have no outcome, you have nothing to fail at.
Sure, this may take a while to get to this point.
Where you truly feel the only purpose of being social is to enjoy yourself.
But when you get there, a whole new world will open up.
This is one of the great paradoxes of being outcome independent.
The more you try to get a specific outcome, the more nervous you’ll be, and the more likely you won’t get that outcome.
But the more outcome independent you be, the more fun you’ll have, and the more gorgeous happy people will be trying to get an outcome from you.
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