Sudden Illness
Once upon a time I had a family member that had an unexpected medical situation. This unexpected medical situation required an unexpected medical procedure that would have this person in ICU for a couple days in the hospital for another week after that.
Myself and a few other family members want to give this person comfort in their time of need. After this person got checked into the hospital and they were drugged up and feeling pretty good I informed them that would be back the following morning to give them kind of pep talk before the surgery started.
While this was a very statistically safe surgery, it was still a majorly invasive surgery so naturally this person was feeling very very terrified of being cut open.
While I was out wandering around outside realized that I be spending a lot of time in the hospital waiting around so I figured I might need to buy a book and so I found a used bookstore.
This Looks Good
I was wandering inside the used book store and I saw this one book that kind of jumped out and grabbed my attention off the shelf. It had a cool title. It was very big. It was hardback. It was cheap and I read the back and it sounded perfect. I thought this might get me in at least two days worth of killing time waiting for the family member to recover.
I was in the hospital reading this book about a day later about halfway through it and I started to realize that I had read this book before. I started to feel familiar about the characters and the plot and what was happening.
The funny thing about human memory is that everything we think we know about ourselves, everything we think we know about our personality, everything we think we know about our relationship to the universe, every thing we think we know about our jobs, where we live, about our friends, all is based on things that we have stored in our memory.
If you take away our memory we are nothing but animals with instincts that compel us to do things without really knowing why. Wverything that we think is true is because of things that exist in our memory. Everything that we think about ourselves, our personality, our skills, our abilities, our weaknesses, our strengths, are all based on things that exist in our memory.
All Inside Our Brain
At the same time we have lots of direct experience that our memory absolutely sucks. We all have the experience of hearing somebody’s name and then forgetting it two minutes later. We all have the experience of being told specifically what to study for a test when the test will be and we still get B’s and C’s.
There’s been tons of evidence, studies that show that when unexpected events happen we can’t remember what happened to save our lives. If you’re a prosecutor and all you have is eyewitness testimony you probably won’t even go to trial. They’ve done all kinds of psychological experiments that show that if you have an unexpected event and then you ask 10 different people that were present at that event will get 10 different stories of what actually happened at that event.
This is such as common human experience that there are several movies based on this premise. An event happens and each person that is seeing the event has a different interpretation and meaning for what that event meant. At the same time our entire lives are made up of a nearly infinite amount of unexpected events.
Studies has shown that is very very easy for psychologist to implant false memories inside of our brains and then we’ll remember those memories as if they were true. It doesn’t seem that we had the capability to look into our brains and tell the difference between a true memory and a false one yet at the same time our entire self-awareness is made up of these collections of memories.
Self Image – Self Concept
Our entire idea of who we are and what our place in the world is made up of how we interpret these collections of memories most of which are a series of unexpected events.
When I finally got about halfway through the book there was kind of three things that sorta clicked together at the end.
It was kind of a weird experience. The first thing was I finally, I finally got to the end and finally remembered everything. When the story clicked together I also remembered that I have read this book before in a previously non-normal situation.
The first time I read this book I got this off a business list or a list from business magazine about 10 books to take with you on vacation. This was one of those books. 99% of the time when I read a book I read it in my house or at a coffee shop. The last time I read this book I was on vacation outside of the country.
Back To Back Non Normal Situations
The second time I stumbled across this book inside of a used bookstore when I would be sitting around in the hospital waiting for a family member to have surgery. Two completely non-normal situations.
The third thing that happened was also very interesting because it reminded me of the same situation that happens all the time with me at least. I’ll see a movie on TV or on Netflix or on Amazon and because there’s nothing else on in the movie I’ve seen before.
Known Seen Better Than Unknown Unseen
I figure well I’d rather watch a movie I’ve seen before and I kind of know was a good experience versus taking a chance I want to haven’t seen before. Invariably I’ll start watching the movie I know I’ve seen before but then I won’t be able to remember how it ends.
When it ends there’s a very strange scenario. That is I understand how it ends I have a certain emotional response to how it ends but then I remember not only how it ends but I remember having the very same emotional response before.
Clicking Hallucinations
It’s like every time you remember something that you forgotten it’s like you have two or three different levels of hallucinations all clicking together at the same time.
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