Friendly Frame
Most everybody suffers from social anxiety.
Most everybody behaves in a much more constrained way around strangers than friends.
Particularly old friends.
When you’re around old friends, you drop more f-bombs, tell crasser jokes and generally let it all hang out.
But when talking to a stranger?
EVERYBODY automatically tones down their expressiveness.
Particularly if you want something from them.
Something even as simple as the time.
If you were with friends, and you wanted to know the time, you’d ask a certain way.
Maybe even just grab their wrist and look at their watch.
But if you saw somebody you didn’t know, you’d be a bit more polite.
Origin Story
Politeness is a kind of natural, globally understood, mutual defense.
In fact, there is evidence that in older societies where one class had the right to kill a lower class, the lower class developed a polite verb conjugation.
Lower classes were super polite to upper classes so they wouldn’t be killed by the upper classes.
Us humans CAN be pretty brutal to each other.
But we can also be pretty nice.
When you are stuck in a bad situation, and some stranger shows up out of nowhere and helps you, that is a good feeling.
Even if it’s something simple like purposely holding a door open for you while you’re carrying a bunch of stuff.
One common way to ease social anxiety when approaching an attractive stranger is to PRETEND they are your friend.
Not pretend you know their name or anything.
That would be creepy.
Friendly Energy
But talk to them with “close friend” energy.
One common idea is that your frame is much more important than the words you say.
So even if you’ve got the best opener in the world memorized, if you say it through a nervous frame, the other person feel nervous as well.
But even the simplest opener, like “hey”, will work if delivered through a calm, “friend” frame.
A similar but much deeper idea is that all fear comes from a FALSE sense of separation.
This is kind of an esoteric idea, but it can be helpful.
It’s based on the concept that separateness is a false idea.
They, out there, are separate from you.
So when you want to initiate any conversation with “them” for any reason, it feels uneasy.
One Human Body
But if you could reject that false idea, and presume that “we” are really all the same, then it becomes pretty easy.
That “friendly” frame will be automatic and a natural part of you.
So, how, specifically, do you BUILD that feeling of “non-separateness?”
How, specifically, do you train your brain to FEEL connected to everybody and everything?
So even without speaking, you radiate a completely calm, open, approachable and friendly energy?
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