Here’s an interesting and VERY applicable quote by Dale Carnegie.
Mostly, he’s famous for his book “How To Win Friends and Influence People,” but during his time, he was a public speaking guru.
The ideas in the book grew out of his public speaking program.
Anyhow, here’s the quote.
“Every time you give a speech, there are really three speeches. The one you wanted to give. The one you actually gave, and the one you wish you would have given.”
What does this mean?
First, you plan the speech.
You imagine the audience, the things you want to say, etc.
You rehearse a few times so you hopefully don’t have to rely on note cards.
You imagine how the speech will play out.
Then you give the speech.
And like anything, nothing EVER goes to plan.
Maybe, because of the energy of the crowd, you go off on a few tangents.
It ends pretty well, maybe different from what you expected, but still pretty good.
Then AFTER the speech is over, usually a few minutes, you start to see all the opportunities that you DIDN’T capitalize on.
The more you play back the speech in your mind, the more you think:
“Oh damn, that was a perfect opportunity to talk about X, but I missed it!”
This simple model can be applied pretty much EVERYWHERE.
You try something with an expectation of what you hope will happen.
You do the thing and get an outcome.
Then you look back at the thing, as it happened in the past, and naturally start to daydream about how you COULD have done better.
This motivates you to try again NEXT time.
This is where all growth and learning comes from.
Unfortunately, most people don’t get this.
Most people have an idea that you only need to know the “correct” sequences and get it done PERFECTLY the first time.
Particularly in the realm of interpersonal relationships.
Friends, colleagues, lovers, etc.
But every single time you talk to a stranger, this is an OPPORTUNITY for another one of those simple, three step processes.
The before time.
The during time.
The after time.
Each time through you get better.
You become more persuasive.
You become more elegant.
You become more charismatic.
So long as you keep going forward, you keep getting better.
Particularly if you are basing your communication strategies on a model.
Mind Persuasion has plenty of books and courses to teach you how to speak hypnotically and persuasively.