Food Cult Openings
I used to know this guy in my Toastmasters group, a place where you can not only learn public speaking, but meet some pretty fringe type characters.
He said he’d joined this kind of food cult, where they had very strict restrictions on what you were allowed to eat.
He’d already given a few speeches about this system, and he was going to keep us updated as long as it was logistically possible.
Eye-Brain Guy
I used to know this guy, a neighbor actually, who had a really messed up brother.
He’d had mental problems his whole life, and severe vision problems.
He would see double, and for a while they thought this was affecting his brain, but his mental problems persisted once he got some glasses that fixes his vision problems.
Playing With Balls
There was this juggler that wanted to be famous from juggling.
He had a theory that if he practiced with things that were much more difficult to juggle than the kinds of things people juggle on stage, then when he did get up on stage, the differential would be enough to compensate for the stage fright he’d anticipated.
So he enlisted the help of his friends to toss him power tools in his garage.
He would catch them, and work them into whatever else he was juggling.
Non Matching Guy
There’s this really strange guy I’ve seen walking around town.
He always wears the weirdest colors.
His shoes, socks, and shoelaces never match.
I asked what his deal was, and he told me but he told me through writing these barely legible notes.
Proven Magic
He was it was an extremely rare but very powerful form of magic.
It required calibrating his color scheme along with the frequency of certain adjectives and adverbs.
So long as he kept a tight ratio between his actual adjective or adverb use, above their normal level, it would augment his magical skills.
For example, if an adjective was only used in 1% of normal speech, but he used that same adjective as sixty percent of the makeup of his spoken speech, plus or minus that one percent, his words would be extremely hypnotic and seductive.
Only Practiced In Isolation
The problem was he studied all of this at home, without practicing on real people.
And when he started using this with real people, the feedback loop made it nearly impossible to maintain such a tight range of adjective frequency.
So he ended up just hanging out on the corner, seemingly muttering gibberish to himself.
But even though he wasn’t speaking to anybody, he still demonstrated quite a bit of his linguistic sorcery, which I must admit, was pretty impressive.
Need More Tools
Eventually he ran out of tools, and decided that this hobby was far more interesting, and had far too many unintended benefits, that he decided to keep as a hobby.
The only problem was that he kept having to buy more tools.
And he would only buy them based on their weight and potential angular velocity.
Fix Me, Please
Finally the poor guy got treated by a hypnotist.
And this is the kind of hypnosis that contains quite a bit of amnesia.
So after he was cured, he didn’t remember any of this.
But then one he was waiting by the bus stop and a bunch of water splashed on his face, momentarily discombobulating him and knocking off his glasses.
Un-Calibrated Brain-Eye
Which had the strange effect of keeping his mental health intact, but significantly altering his double vision.
So now, he believes we live on a planet with two moons and two suns.
Which normally isn’t a problem, until people start talking about solar or lunar events.
Then everybody gets confused.
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