A very common piece of advice when wanting to make friends or to create romantic relationships is to be yourself.
From a superficial level, this seems to make logical sense.
If you can be yourself, you’ll eventually meet people who like the real you.
At the same time, this advice is thought to be the worst possible advice ever given.
This Doesn’t Work!
Plenty of people try to be themselves and it only causes grief and frustration.
Consider the case of naturals.
They are naturally socially outgoing and never have a problem creating romantic relationships.
They are “being themselves” and it seems to be working perfectly.
On the other hand, you have nice guys who try to be themselves and it doesn’t get them jack.
Two Variables At Play
One idea is that when it comes to personality and social behavior, there are two variables.
One variable would be your natural self.
Who you are naturally when you are feeling absolutely confident.
The way you are around close friends with whom you feel safe.
Another variable would be how congruently you express your true self around strangers.
Real or Fake Continuum
You can think of how congruently you express yourself on spectrum from 0% to 100%.
Unfortunately, we an also think of personality as something that is very valuable to many people, to a personality who is not very valuable to very many people.
Naturals are people who have high value, and a high level of congruence.
The opposite would be people who have low value and a low level of congruence.
Other People Decide
The value of your personality is something that can only be determined by other people.
This is based on simple economics.
The value is up to the customer, or the person who is going to freely decide to associate with you or not.
This is a harsh truth, but some people are more physically attractive than others.
And some people are more attractive from a personality standpoint.
The problem comes when you are too afraid to express your true personality
This is a problem that so-called nice guys have.
They operate from a fear-based, scarcity mindset.
Unfortunately the only way to improve your natural self is to expose your natural self.
By getting feedback in social situations, you will slowly know how to improve your natural self.
This will happen when you improve your conversation skills.
This will happen when you improve your body language reading skills.
This will happen when you increase your emotional intelligence.
Physical exercise can slowly change who you really are, from a physical standpoint.
Social Skills Improve You
Conversational and social skills building exercises will change who you really are, from a personality standpoint.
The advice to be yourself is helpful advice.
But it’s only helpful if you accept who you really are, and make a commitment to continue to improve who you really are.
This requires risk, courage and patience.
Three qualities that will themselves help you to build a very valuable, very attractive personality.
Mind Persuasion has plenty of books and courses to teach you how to speak hypnotically and persuasively.