Need To Fix Something
Recently I started getting into some home development, home-improvement. It all started with the task I had needed to get done or do myself for a while. I was right on the border of whether or not to learn how to do this or to hire somebody to do this. If I needed to learn how to do this I knew that I would need some tools.
To help me make the decision I went to Home Depot. I started asking the guys how difficult it would be to learn how to do this. They told me that they had this class on the weekends. You could take a class and it was very very beneficial and so I signed up for a class.
There were a couple guys and other kind like me. Kind of klutzes around the house that wanted to learn how to do things so they could save money and have a little fun on the weekend. I was having a cup of coffee with this one guy during the first break. I asked him a question about his family. I noticed he had a ring on. I said, so, does your wife give you a hard time around the house for not being so handy?
This caused him a sudden and enormous amount of pain as soon as I mentioned the word wife. His whole body changed. His whole energy changed. He looked up and just briefly made eye contact with me as if he was absolutely ashamed of something and then he dropped his eyes back down.
The eye contact lasted for about a 10th of a second at most. Within that 10th of a second I felt an enormous amount of sadness and regret. He said I lost my family several years ago. When something like this happens it’s always uncertain about what to do. Most people will be tempted to quickly change the subject and pretend that it didn’t happen.
I felt kind of obligated since this guy was talking to me and he seemed to be very helpful in the class before our coffee break. I felt obligated to at least help him recover from the sudden instance of pain. I asked what happened and he told me.
Once Upon A Time
He said that about 10 years ago he had a fantastic job as an engineer for this tech company. They promoted him and they promoted him to a different city which was this city. His wife wanted to move out here quickly because she did some research and found out that the schools were much better here than when they lived.
She took over the job of finding a house and dealing with all the real estate people. He was perfectly fine with that. She found a fantastic house. It was a two-story house with a very huge basement. They converted the basement into a rec room and laundry room. He had hired some people to soundproof the room so his two daughters could play music really loud downstairs and try to dance along with their favorite music videos without bothering everybody.
As time went on he started become absolutely terrified of just the thought of going down to the basement. Even though his wife went down there every day. Even though his two daughters went down there and had a fantastic time. He felt an immense amount of anxiety and dread and terror at just the thought of going down to the basement.
Nobody Can Know
He was terrified of even expressing this fear to his wife. This started to consume him. The more he felt this fear, the more he wanted to keep it all to himself. The more he thought that if he expressed his fear people would leave him. Because he had this irrational fear, because he assumed that since he did know why he felt this fear it would be something terrible and his family and his wife would want to leave him.
Because if his company would want to fire him. Because of it, he kept it bottled up. But the more he kept a bottled up the worse it got. Eventually he stopped coming home and his wife started to wonder if he was having an affair. If he was doing drugs. Eventually she couldn’t take it anymore and she left. She moved back to her mom’s house. Back where she lived before with the two daughters.
Her daughters also knew something was wrong, but since he didn’t talk to them, they just assumed he was having an affair like his wife thought. They were gone for like a month. He was just devastated, but he still felt this anxiety. He started to kind of create this anthropomorphized idea of this fear. The source of the fear down in the basement.
He started to convince himself that there was a demon in the basement. That this external demon was causing all this pain in his life. That this demon in the basement had conjured up some kind of spell. He didn’t know why the demon chose him. He was sure that the demon was trying to destroy him because he was about to get fired from his job. Because he couldn’t stand to be in his own house.
He was a mess financially. His health his sleep. So finally he just gave up decided to kill himself. He decided to let the demon kill him. He went down to the basement one night. He lay on the floor. He was trembling in fear. He said, okay I’m here. Take me. Destroy me. Obliterate me. You’ve taken everything now, please take my life. He was quiet. Nothing happened.
He opened his eyes and before him he saw an angel. A beautiful angel. But this beautiful angel was weeping. She was so incredibly sad. He sat up and he looked at her and she said I was ready to give you everything. I was willing to give you the secrets of the universe. I was willing to give you scientific secrets that would allow you to create inventions that would save humanity from destruction.
I was willing to give you scientific information that would allow you to create inventions that would resonate among humanity for thousands of years. Inventions that would help food production. Inventions to help to create sustainable clean energy. But this required that you be open to yourself. All of that fear that you felt, all of the dread that you felt, all of the horror that you felt, that was not coming from outside of you. That was coming from inside of you.
Because in order for me to give you all of this wisdom, you had to be completely open with yourself. The fear you are feeling was not coming from me. It was not coming from the basement. It was coming from a sense that in order to receive this wisdom this truth this love you had to be completely open to yourself.
Because you are incapable of being open to yourself, to share yourself with others, you lost everything. He pleaded with her. He pleaded with her to please let him fix it. Please give him another chance. She said I’ve given you the only chance you’ll ever get. Now humanity is lost.
Because he realized there wasn’t a demon in the basement now, but he had lost everything, he managed to keep his job. He went to work and he came home. His wife and his kids were still alive. When he said that about, I lost my family, I thought they had died. They were still alive. I wondered why he didn’t want to reach out to them and tell him what happened but I guess that’s for him to think about.
I ended up learning how to fix that problem in my house. It turned out to be kind of a dangerous thing but in a good way. When you have something you want to create, and you take the time to learn how to do something, and then you see the final creation before you, that is a fantastic feeling. It’s a much better feeling than hiring somebody to do it for you.
Now on my weekends I go to Home Depot and I kind of fantasize about all the things that I can build. All of the things that I can do. Last week I was there standing and looking at a cement mixer, just wondering how many places I can pour cement.
Can Spend A Lot Of Money
This is a potentially very very expensive habit, but so long as I keep myself constrained to building useful things, this can be a very very fantastic habit.
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