Step By Step Girlfriend Getting Process
What? Seriously? Pretty much anything can be broken down into a step by step process. Even things that are very hard for a great many people. For example, a simple step by step process for making money in stocks is as follows:
1) Buy a stock you think will go up.
2) If it goes down 5%, sell it.
3) If it goes up 20%, sell it.
Essentially this is a money management process, but money management is the heart of any investing success. But something like getting a girlfriend is much easier than making money in the markets. Humans have been hooking up since the dawn of time. Once upon there were only a few hundred thousand of us. Now there are billions. Making more people is something we seem to be pretty good at.
This won’t have any secret seduction techniques. Plenty of those do work, but they work much like money management. The heart of money management is knowing when to cut your losses. The same goes with dating. You need to interact with any potential lady long enough to know, but not any longer. What do you need to know? I thought you’d never ask!
You might want to take a gander at a previous post (here) about the economics of any relationship. In a sense, all humans are traders. We don’t do anything unless what we get out of the system (whatever the system happens to be) unless we believe what we are getting is worth what we are giving.
Long Story Short
Whenever we decide to enter into a committed relationship with somebody else, we are both deciding to agree that the current relationship offers more to both of us than we could possibly find somewhere else. It’s a bit more complicated than that. When we say, “better than we can find somewhere else,” we also need to take into consideration our social skills and competency, our comfort level in getting out there and meeting new people, our experience, and lots of other variables.
For example, a guy who all else equal is terrified of talking to ladies will commit to different type of lady than a guy who is the same in all areas (looks, intelligence, social skills with friends, income, etc.) but has zero problems talking to strangers. That is more of a macro level treatment of relationships. You came here to find yourself a lady of your own right?
Three Meta Skills Required
In order to consciously behave in a way to get a girlfriend, you need three basic skills. This is true even if you aren’t actively seeking. Meaning you are just bopping around enjoying life and taking it as it comes. The better you are in these three levels of skill, the more likely you’ll find a lady to your liking, who will like you as much as you like her.
The better your social skills are, the easier of a time you’ll have. Social skills include being able to read people, meaning you can understand what’s not being said as well as what’s being said. You can read peoples emotions fairly well. You are comfortable talking to strangers just to pass the time. You feel comfortable around people you don’t know.
This also includes a certain bit of congruence. Meaning you aren’t shy about letting people see the real you. If you don’t like something, you don’t say you do just to fit in. You aren’t mean, you don’t pick fights just because, but you can easily and respectfully disagree with anybody on any topic.
This also means you are capable of being neutral when those “don’t talk about these things with strangers” topics come up, like religion, politics and money.
You’ve got to have a decent idea of the kind of girl you’d be happy with. Consider having a goldilocks set of criteria. Not too vague, but not too specific. Kind of in the middle. Have a few things that you definitely want, and have a broad list of things you would like, but don’t necessarily need.
Also have a list of things you wouldn’t prefer, but wouldn’t necessarily be disqualifying traits. Equally important is having a set of red flags that your girl to be definitely can’t be. These don’t need to be objectively bad, just things you accept in people, just not your girl to be.
The longer you take finding out if any potential girl has the traits you want, the harder it will be. Many people, guys and girls, tend to not sort for these until after they are in a relationship. This can make things incredibly difficult. In fact, many people don’t even have criteria, other than they be interesting and attractive enough. They see the actual relationship as a kind of vague, criteria sorting process.
This can be dangerous, because being in relationships with other people have a strange way of making NEW people just kind of pop up out of nowhere. Being in a relationship with the mother or father of your child, only to find out after that you are incompatible is problematic to say the least.
Dating Is Qualifying
However you define the dating process, make it a goal to not get into any committed relationship with anybody until they are qualified. Of course, having a set of criteria can only get you so far. You may find that you’ve got a qualified person that should be OK, but you just can’t stand them.
The better you can determine your objective qualifications, and the more quickly you can find these out the better. Ideally, these should be things like education level, financial acumen, how much debt they are carrying, future plans, etc. These will all be different from person to person. But finding out your lady has $100,000 in student loan debt after you get married is a bit late. These kind of objective things about them should be determined as early as possible.
This is much more difficult than it sounds. You can’t just ignore it, but you can’t come across as an interrogator either. Nevertheless, not properly qualifying somebody can lead to a lifetime of trouble. Which is why we are including this in our three main skills of relationship creation.
Disqualifying Just As Important
Naturally, you will disqualify far more than you will qualify. When you think about it, there’s really only one person who will be fully qualified. Everybody else will be disqualified. Paradoxically, few people ever think of disqualifying as a skill. This is mainly because few people have any criteria other than they be hot and attracted to you as much as you are attracted to them. But if you are really intending on creating a decent relationship with a decent person that won’t create lifetime of emotional and financial pain, consider disqualifying as a major skill to cultivate.
Starting From Scratch
We will assume you’ve got zero experience with the ladies. Don’t worry, we’ve come up with an easy to follow step by step process that will increase all these skills (slowly, of course!). This will at the same time make you much more attractive as you go along. Take your time, and go as slow or as fast as you need to.
Comfort Zone Stretching
Of course this will require you step outside of your comfort zone, but only as much as you are comfortable. You will continue to build all three of these skills as slowly as you need to be. The good news if you only follow these recommended procedures, you will soon have the nice problem of deciding which girl to commit to.
Girlfriend Getting Training Exercises
These three areas are meant to be done together. You only need a few minutes per day. Before we explain why they work and how they work, we need to talk about something uncomfortable to most people. And that is the commonly asked question of “how do I get person X to like me?”
The usual way it goes is like this. Guy meets girl. Maybe they talk socially. The guy really digs the girl, and he would be over the moon if she liked him back. But unfortunately, he thinks in very binary terms. As if female attraction towards a male is something that be engineered. To help understand this, let’s use a food metaphor.
Let’s say you took a pizza making class at your local cooking school. And once you’d finished, you decided to have a party and make a pizza for all your friends. Except when you served it, nobody liked it. So you called your pizza teacher and said:
“Hey, I tried cooking a pizza and nobody likes it. How can I get them to like it?”
The honest answer is nothing. If they don’t like it, they don’t like it. Think of a food that you don’t like. What could somebody say or do that would make you like that food? Nothing. Unfortunately, people are the same way. If somebody doesn’t like you the same way you like them, there’s not much you can do. If they were going to like you, they already would like you.
Of course, there are times where people start to like each other more the more they get to know each other. But they have to already be somebody that the other person would like. Very few people start to like somebody romantically after they’ve already interacted with them a lot. This if far beyond things you can say or do. This is based on revealing more of your personality. If you don’t have the kind of personality they like, this won’t work. This brings us to the harsh truth.
You Have To Be Likeable
In order to get a girlfriend that likes you as much as you like her, you’ve got to be likeable. Nobody is likeable to everybody. Everybody is likeable to a few people. The more people who find you likeable, the easier of a time you’ll have finding a girlfriend. The higher the chance that you’ll meet somebody where the attraction will be reciprocated.
Girls Are Attracted To Different Things Than Guys
Without going into too much details, guys are lucky. Guys like girls based mostly on looks. Maybe 70-80% looks and the rest personality. Maybe less or more in your case. But for girls, they like guys based on much more personality and much less looks. This means there is a lot more room for improvement.
Even if you aren’t attractive to very many girls now, by going through these recommended exercises, they will make you much more attractive to many more girls. Girls are attracted to things like social confidence, social skills, leadership skills, frame strength, intelligence, genuine friendliness (not fake nice guy crap). All of these will be improved by going through these recommended exercises.
Not A Step By Step Plan
If you wanted to make a pizza, you could follow a step by step plan. You would know exactly how long it would take. You would understand all the required ingredients. You would know precisely when it would be finished and what it would look and taste like. Getting a girlfriend is nothing like that. The more you do these exercises, the more attractive you’ll become to more women, and the “better” girlfriend you’ll eventually get.
Learn To Enjoy The Path
Many people start an exercise program because they need to lose a few pounds. They might even think they’ll exercise until they’ve lost the weight, and then they’ll stop. But after a while they come to a realization that they quite enjoy exercising. They like the solace. The mental aspect. The slow change to their body and mind. Consider doing these exercises the same way. The more you do them, the more attractive you’ll be to women, and the more you’ll enjoy life.
There are three aspects of this, and all are meant to be done at the same time. Each aspect is meant to be increased only slightly over time. Don’t push too hard. If you do, the same thing will happen as to people who start off like gangbusters at the gym after New Year’s. They start off strong, and quickly lose their motivation.
Consider starting off as slowly as you possibly can. Remember, you want to do this for as long as you possibly can. This is not something that you do as quickly as you can to get a specific result and then stop. The longer you do these simple exercises, the more attractive you will become to more women.
Part One – Building Social Skills
This area focuses on social skills. To something specific every day to improve your social skills. If you are very shy, start off by making eye contact with one person each day. That’s it. When that becomes easy, make eye contact with two people each day. Once eye contact becomes easy, kick it up to eye contact and smiling. Keep creating eye contact while smiling until it’s easy and doesn’t create any anxiety.
Once you’ve reached eye contact, go up one more level. Eye contact, smile, and say “hi.” Use the following list of suggestions. Do some each day. Only do the ones that are the most comfortable. Continue to improve as much as you can. When you are doing one level and it seems easy, go up to the next level.
- Eye Contact
- Say Hi
- Start A Conversation
- Exchange Names
- Extend The Conversation
- Exchange Contact Information
- Set Up A Date
- Ask Qualifying Questions On The Date
- Go On A Second Date
- Ask Qualifying Questions On The Second Date
- Get Physical
Once you get to the upper levels, you’ll be in a pretty good place. While you are going through this first part, also be going through the second part.
Part Two – Building Criteria
Keep an extensive list of traits you’d need your future girlfriend to have and traits you’d like her to have. Keep a list of things you’d like her not to have, and things she can’t have. As you meet and interact with more people, this list should be modified and streamlined. The more you focus on this list, the easier it will be to disqualify any ladies (more on that later). Try and do this every single day. Maybe you smiled at a cute girl, and she had a tattoo, and a tattoo was something on your red flag list.
Creating criteria in the abstract is one thing, but as you compare your list of criteria to girls you are actually meeting, these will become much more realistic. The more accurate and realistic your list of criteria are, the easier it will be to sort through girls out there. The reason it may seem hard now is you likely don’t have any criteria.
The Importance of Non-Physical Criteria
Always be sure to have a few things that you can’t tell about somebody unless you go and talk to them. This will make talking to girls much easier. The reason talking to girls is tough for most guys is all they need is for her to be hot. This means before they even walk over there, she has already passed the criteria in his mind. This means he’s going over there only hoping that she will accept him. This is a very weak position to operate from.
When you have non-physical criteria, and you approach and engage, it will be much easier. She’s not yet qualified, and the whole reason you’re approaching her is to find out more information about her. This will make you feel much more confident and relaxed.
Part Three – Disqualifying
Take some time journaling at the end of every day. Think of any girl you interacted with during the day, and write down some reason why she might be disqualified based on your non-physical criteria. This is to drive into your brain that a girl must have a lot more than a pretty face and a hot body to be your girlfriend.
Once you start talking to girls and exchanging contact information, you’ll start to get practice in eliciting things that might disqualify them. This will definitely take some time, but the idea is to train your mind to shift from the common, “I hope she accepts me” mindset to the “I wonder what kind of personality she has” mindset which both makes you much more attractive, and much more confident.
First Date Qualifying Questions
When you are meeting any girl for the second time, avoid the common idea of “hoping to get some.” See this as an opportunity to see if she passes some of your tests. These can be very simple at first. Maybe make a rule that you don’t want a relationship with a recent divorcee, for example. Choose something that would disqualify her and try to find out that about her on the first date.
Allow this to slowly develop into a robust skill that you can use along with your list of criteria. In the beginning, when you are just smiling and saying hi to girls, you won’t know much about them. But once you start talking to them, compare them to your list of criteria and see how well they match.
How Long Does This Take?
Right now, you might be desperate for a girlfriend. So desperate you’ll take anybody with a pulse. But if you go through this set of exercises, and slowly improve your progress every day, you’ll find that you have a lot more options that you realize. The longer you go through these exercises, the more attractive you’ll become to more women.
Commitment Should Be Her Idea
Consider setting a long term goal of finding a girl you like, who likes you, and is eager to commit to you. If it is her idea, this means she recognizes your value and wants you off the market. Consider that this shouldn’t be an easy choice for you. Making this decision to commit to her, your future girlfriend, shouldn’t be easy.
This is an indication of how attractive you’ve become, and how many options you have. Make it a goal to make this decision a tough one. Keep going through these exercises until it’s very hard to commit to one girl. That will be an indication that you have become a very valuable, and very attractive man who has met a girl who recognizes that value and wants to keep him all to herself.
Mind Persuasion has plenty of books and courses all designed to help you get more out of life with much less effort.