Gonna Get Fired
I had only been at my first job after college for three months before I made a horrific mistake that I thought would forever banish me to homelessness and life in the bushes with only an empty bottle of whiskey for a companion.
I was working in the laboratory for a huge company and we were doing a huge experiment, I was doing a huge experiment. The results of which would help the company decide what direction to go in and I made a mistake in this huge experiment so the data was incorrect. They used this incorrectly data to make a decision on what direction to go in.
When I realized I made my mistake I told my boss and his face explained everything. He didn’t know what to do and he said let’s go talk to the big boss. The both of us were going upstairs to talk to the big boss.
The Walk Of Doom
As I was walking upstairs with him and walking down the hall with him and walking towards her large corner office with him I was having the worst fears of my life come true.
I used to sell cars and after you sell cars for little bit there is basically two major halves you have the kind of wrap your mind around. If you’re walking out to talk to customers on the lot it’s very very hard to control the frame in that situation.
The customers walk onto a car lot by themselves. They decide to walk around by themselves. They look at cars by themselves. Then the salesperson comes out of nowhere and tries to control a frame. If you try to control the frame under that situation you’re almost guaranteed to fail.
Selling Outside Is Hard
If you walk up to a customer cold on a lot with the intention of selling them a car it’s going to fail. You have to come up with some other angle to use to approach from.
I had a friend who was heavily into martial arts. He had a fifth or 6th degree black belt in some kind of Japanese-style karate. He was telling me about the two basic different types of training versus tournaments.
He said when you’re in a training you have to routinely do these very very boring grills over and over and over again. While you’re doing these boring drills over and over and over again there is usually somebody watching you that is much more skilled than you are.
Let Teachers Teach
The trick is to be completely obedient to their experience. To expect them to take the objective viewpoint and have them tell you what to do, listen to their advice, assume their advice is 100% accurate and follow their advice and continue to practice over and over and over again. You’re essentially going through the slow long necessary process of training in new instincts.
I went to this one seminar on frame control. Frame control is something that a lot of people misunderstand. The term frame control is very ubiquitous and if you hear a ubiquitous term often enough you start to imagine that you understand that even though you’re really only just familiar with the term.
When most people think about frame control to think about having a conversation with somebody. They think about having an objective for that conversation with somebody. They recognize that the other person has at different objective. The idea of frame control is that whoever controls the frame of that conversation will get their objective.
Frame Misunderstandings
This is true. But if you only look at this on a one-conversational level this can turn into a fighting match, almost like an arm wrestling contest. When you walk up to somebody and want to sell them something, you want to create a win-win outcome. But if you see this as a confrontation and if you think only in terms of small conversational frames, you will mistakenly lead to these inevitable confrontational energies, which will kill any chances of success.
The secret is to have a whole bunch of nested frames of different sizes. The one thing that is understood by most people is that if you ever have a negotiation, the person that wants the outcome the least is one that has the most power. The one that wants the outcome the most is the one that has the least power.
The way you generate this instinctively is to have a whole bunch of nested frames of different time lengths. If you have a framed for the next year, if you have a frame for the next six months, if you have a frame for the next three months, if you have a frame for the week and you have a frame for the conversation.
Nested Frame Secrets
With all of those larger nested frames it doesn’t really matter what happens in that conversational frame. Either way you can use that information to help you increase your chances of success of the larger frames. When your conversational partner senses this that you have this kind of detached from outcome energy that will increase your ability to get your needs met.
This is a clever way to create a whole bunch of nested frames so you can see any conversation and be willing to accept any outcome. Once you are willing to accept any outcome, which is helped by having these larger nested frames, by being willing to accept any outcome you have that detached energy which paradoxically increases your chance of getting your needs met.
Training martial arts is much different than entering into a martial arts tournament. When you train you’re consciously focusing on drilling and drilling and drilling drilling. But when you’re in a tournament, it’s almost as if you want to turn off your brain and let all of your instincts do the work.
Detach From Outcome
The more you can detach from outcome within a contest where you can just let your instincts to the work, and get your mind out of the way, the more chance that you’ll be successful. This is that coveted flow state that musicians and athletes often seek. That flow state we are operating at a very high capacity and there’s very little involvement of your conscious mind.
The more you’re in this flow state, the less concerned you are for the outcome and paradoxically this will increase your chances of getting whatever outcome you wanted before you went into the situation.
If you’re outside on the lot, if you’re talking to people on the lot, you have about a 10% chance of selling them a car. It is kind of a losing game to try and sell them something on the lot. If you walk up to somebody on the lot and you have the mindset of I’m going to sell this person a car, this can be very very difficult and you’re gonna fail 90% of the time.
Inside Sales – Outside Games
On the other hand, once you get the person inside, when you’re sitting across the table from them, you have a 50% chance of selling them a car. Once you get them inside, that’s when you turn on your, “I’m going to sell you a car” frame. When you’re outside the only frame you really need is “I’m gonna get you inside.”
It doesn’t really matter what you talk about. It doesn’t matter if you’re following them around. It doesn’t matter if they think they’re controlling the frame on the outside. So long as you have a bigger frame. Once you get them conversation inside then it becomes kind of a game a competition between all the salespeople to see who can come up with a craziest the cleverest the most creative way to get the customers from outside to inside.
Once you get them inside, you can really start selling. Both customers and sales people tend to like this haggling process where you have settle on something. You want, they want to buy you want to sell, it’s really just about price and that part is very very enjoyable.
Yeah, I, Uh, Messed Up
We got up to her office. We walked in. She looked up and she said what’s up guys? My boss didn’t say anything. He made me do all the talking. So I explained. I said, that experiment we did last week? I made a mistake. The data is incorrect. I need to repeat the experiment.
She paused for like a second. She turned her head and she looked up at me and said so how do you know you cannot make the same mistake again? I explained how I realized the mistake and how I had built in some additional safety features so we wouldn’t make the same mistakes again.
She thought about it. She nodded her head and she went back to what she was doing and said, thanks guys. And that was it. I thought that I was going to get fired, but it turns out that if you make a mistake you have to first admit that you made a mistake and you have to figure out how to fix a mistake and when you do those two things and you admit your mistake the person that is gonna suffer from your mistake they will generally be very very accepting.
Mistakes Are Necessary
Later at the company, as I became a boss the same thing happen to me. If someone beneath you makes a mistake but they realize they made a mistake and they figured out how to fix the mistake then they come to that information that’s kind of an acceptable part of business and life.
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