What To Say When You Talk To Yourself
Everybody talks to themselves. Some people do it out loud and often. Full blown conversations. Other people have their self talk so deeply in mind all they notice is the resultant feelings and emotions. The idea of this post is to identify how you talk to yourself, so you can do so in a much more supportive and successful way.
Your Brain – Nobody Else’s
There is no reason whatsoever why you shouldn’t endeavor to slowly take control over how you talk to yourself. In your brain there is you, and you, and uh, you. Nobody else. Of course, it’s not so easy. We are all influenced by other people. But the only time we really have to listen to those other people is when they are physically in our presence.
Your Brain – The Ultimate Safe Space
Some people retreat to their cars. Some people shut themselves in their rooms. Some people take a walk where they know they won’t see anybody their recognize. Before we can feel truly safe anywhere, we must feel safe in our own brains.
People Will Try To Control Your Brain
This doesn’t mean they are evil. But people like to control other people. Whenever anybody starts a sentence with, “I want you to…” or “I need you to…” what they are intending (likely subconsciously) is to take control over your thinking and your acting.
Beware Of Post Hypnotic Suggestions
Post hypnotic suggestions are everywhere. Not just when people hear the word banana and start to cluck like a chicken. Whenever somebody gives you an order that sounds like, “Remember to…” it’s an attempt to set up a post hypnotic suggestion. They don’t mean anything bad by it. They aren’t trying to cause you any trouble. But they are also trying to get you to remember what they asked you to remember at a time in the future when it is only you and your brain.
For example, let’s imagine you are watching an environmental activist on TV. They say something simple and honest like, “When you take a shower, remember not to waste water!” Sounds perfectly reasonable. So you’re in the shower, minding your own business (maybe even belting out your favorite tune) and BOOM! Their voice suddenly pops into your head. And you actually turn off the shower because of their voice. In your head!
Question Voices That Aren’t Yours
Not that you actually hear voices. But you remember their voice, whoever it was, or you remember what they said, which we can describe the same as hearing their voice. But you don’t have to respond to it. You can look at it objectively. Ask some simple questions. Out loud. In your voice. Questions like this:
Why should I?
What happens if I do?
What happens if I don’t?
Does anybody want me to do the opposite?
What would they say?
Reframe Negative Beliefs
Many of us have tons of negative beliefs that were put there without our consent. Many of these negative beliefs were not even put there on purpose. For example, if your parents were constantly worrying about money while you were sitting there in your high chair throwing cheerios on the floor, you’ve now got their negative beliefs about money in your brain.
Any time you find any belief that sounds like it’s a bad one, in that it reminds you of what you can’t do instead of what you can do, flip it around. If you find yourself saying things like, “I’ll never get rich,” either out loud or in your brain, purposely flip it around. For example, instead of saying, “I’ll never get rich,” try some of these instead.
I’m getting rich.
I will get rich.
I’m learning how to get rich.
Every time I try something different, I get closer to getting rich.
I’m not rich, yet.
Make Them As Simple As Possible
If you read books on affirmations, they tend to be a little long winded. Consider that the part of your brain that spits out self-talk can’t really handle long sentences. A good idea to stick to when creating self-talk is to make them as short and powerful as possible. Another good idea is to come up with self-talk that is very general, and very positive.
How To Set Up Positive Reminders
Come up with a list of things you’d like, and put them into three or four broad categories. Make the categories as simple as possible. This will be the foundation of positive self talk. The thick cement you lay down before you build any specific structure. Relationships, money, happiness, health, love, sex, things like that. Come up with three or four.
Add On Easy Modifiers
Come up with a few simple adjectives. Things like natural, expected, normal, automatic, instinctive, intuitive. Then use your categories and put the word is or are between the category and the modifier.
Relationships are easy
Relationships are natural
Relationships are normal
Relationships are instinctive
If you want, you can add “for me” at the end of these.
When To Use
Whenever you start to feel any anxiety (which is a result of subconscious negative self talk) immediately start with the positive self talk that is the polar opposite of what the anxiety is related to. For example, if you are single, and you are in a place with many attractive people and you notice some self talk that sounds like, “I’ll never meet anybody. I’ll always be alone,” Start to repeat the positive reminders.
Relationships are natural for me.
Relationships are common for me.
Relationships are easy for me.
How To Beat The Devil
Everybody has a collection of worst fears. Most of them are fairly common, from a structural standpoint. All of those same structures we share are defined differently for each of us. But they are all of the form, “I’m not good enough.”
A very common archetype in hero movies is the hero falls in love with the princess (or whatever archetype represents the princess in the story) but the hero fears that if she really “knows him” and finds out what he’s really like, she will be horrified and leave them.
All of us have this fear. That those close to us will find out who we really are and run away screaming. Since we all share this common structure, we can defeat it by consciously chosen intrapersonal communication. Simply bury that deep idea with the opposite.
I am good enough.
Substitute “good” with any particular adjective that makes sense based on the situation.
I’m good enough.
I’m smart enough.
I’m tall enough.
I’m young enough.
I’m pretty enough.
I’m talkative enough.
I’m outgoing enough.
Now, you might have a question of, “enough for who?” The answer, of course, is YOU. It’s your brain, your body, your life, your experience. Here is the great paradox of life:
If you think you aren’t good enough, everybody else will agree.
If you think you ARE good enough, everybody else will agree.
The real truth is people will think about you how you think about you. This creates a self-fulfilling loop which works for both sides. If you think you aren’t good enough, everybody will agree with you, and you’ll find plenty of evidence to support your beliefs.
If you believe you are good enough, everybody will agree with you and you’ll find plenty of evidence to support your belief. The trick is in shifting from the bad side “I’m not good enough” to the good side, “I am good enough.”
What The Thinker Thinks The Prover Proves
That’s just another way of saying the same thing. We can leverage this by forcing it up into the conscious area of thinking and behaving. We want to believe we are good enough. Yet if we feel we aren’t good enough on a subconscious level, we’ll act that way and only find evidence to support it. So in order to change it, we’ll have to prime the pump a little bit.
Start Easy And Find Proof
Start off with any kind of belief that is in the form, “I am good enough.” Any substitute for good is enough. Start off by writing the sentence out a few dozen times each day. Then say it whenever you have free time. Then purposely find proof that it’s true. This next part is very important.
At first, you won’t believe it. So you’ll have to take the time, and the effort, of convincing yourself that it’s true. This is the money part of intrapersonal communication. Intrapersonal persuasion. Of persuading yourself that you are good enough.
At first, it will feel like you are faking it. But keep at it. Start easy. Write out your “good enough” statement (I am smart enough or I am talkative enough, etc.) several times per day. Say it as often as you can. Then at the end of the day, write down evidence. Proof. This is essential. It may take a while, but eventually you’ll convince yourself.
This is when you actually do believe it on a deep level. Which means you’ll find evidence without looking for it. Once you do this with one, “not good enough” statement, do it on another one. Keep working on these statements, one at a time, until one by one you flip them around to their positive side.
Be Your Best Friend
If you like you can create a heroic archetype of your best self. Your future self that exists far beyond time. That has outlived Earth and all the people. Use any metaphorical or religious representation you like. Whenever you need some uplifting advice from your best friend, send it through this heroic archetype which represents the best you.
A Lifetime Of Programming
Make no mistake, this process will take time, it will not be easy. In your head are tons of limiting beliefs. Many were put there by well-intentioned adults who didn’t know any better and had all their limiting beliefs put there by other adults.
Some of your limiting beliefs are your own conclusions that you made about yourself and the world long ago, many before you learned to speak. Whatever their source, they are wrong. They are no longer true. The only person who has the power to change them is you.
The more you get to work on talking to yourself and convincing yourself that you ARE good enough, the more you will BELIEVE you are good enough. The more areas in which you believe you are good enough. And once you believe you are good enough, learning any new skills (to make money, create love, start a family, build a business, discover a cure for cancer) will be mechanical.
Up To You
Nobody can do this for you except you. So get started. Find a simple “not good enough” belief, and persuade yourself that it’s not true. That the opposite is true. This is the real truth about you: If you believe it, you will eventually achieve it. This takes work, perseverance, and the ability to persuade yourself of the required beliefs. Get started now, and never stop.
Mind Persuasion has plenty of books and courses all designed to help you get much more out of life.